Lucy lives in Austin now!
This has got to be one of the best issues since I met (and didn't
recognize) Danny Elfman. I've got a story about beating the Man,
and a great humor piece, and a Saturday Morning Cartoon love-and-
learning fest URL, AND, if we're lucky, this is coming to you from
the MajorDomo service @eden.com. This cost me a pretty penny and
will probably continue to cost me, but it'll simplify subscribing
AND look _really_ cool on the WU 'zine resume` (not to mention I'm
a HUGE gadget fanatic, especially application gadgets)!
[ special thanks to silver@eden.com ]
[ Mucho Thanks for the majordomo!!! ]
Some old friends just moved into town and they have a really cool
dog. (Hi, Lucy!) Now that I have regularly scheduled access to
a pet again, I'm learning (or re-learning) new things. Like: there
really _is_ a reason not to leave the toilet seat up <lap, lap,
lap, splash>. Also, don't leave game pieces around (see my review
of Goofy Golf Machine) or you'll find yourself playing with only
one ball (keep the jokes to yourself.)
*********************************************************************
[ First time submission from Bruce Welsh, <bwwelsh@ix.netcom.com>. ]
[ I've been looking for this for a week or two now, so many thanks ]
[ to Bruce! ]
Here is something for your WU. This is the guy that deposited a
$95,035.35 non-negotiable check and the bank took it. Check it out at
http://www.dnai.com/~pcombs/
[ There's nothing better than stickin' it to the Man (like my shit ]
[ long...), or at least confusing the hell out of him. This story ]
[ is absolutely true as far as I can tell. ]
*********************************************************************
Keroppi Whistle and Eat
I've been enjoying a particular type of candy for a month or two
now and I've decided to share my joy with the world. Go to your
local Sanrio dealer (the place that sells Japanese pre-school cul-
ture drivel) and look for "Whistle and Eat". It's not a very com-
plicated candy -- you could probably make it yourself if you can't
find a Sanrio store. Sugar-glue two life savers together and be-
fore you bite them in two try blowing through the hole. It's not
only tasty, but it can annoy the hell out of standers-by.
*********************************************************************
Let the celebration begin!!!! My favorite reason to get out
of bed since I was 5 or 6 years old now has a fully serviced
and fully decked web site. Observe the following News post:
From: dadavis@tx.ncsu.edu(Dee Dee)
Newsgroups: alt.music.chapel-hill
Subject: Life is complete with School House Rock Web Page!!!!!
Date: 23 Aug 1995 18:48:27 GMT
Reply-To: dadavis@tx.ncsu.edu
School House Rock Web page:
http://hera.life.uiuc.edu/rock.html
Solid Man! Comes with lyrics and groovey pictures!
Dee Dee
Nothing more need be said...
*********************************************************************
Goofy Golf Machine
Looking for a good board game (for your children - or the neighbor's
children, of course)? Looking for a childish but effective drinking
game? I found the all-purpose fun 3-D board game (almost as good as
Mouse Trap) for a low-low price at the local Target (that's /tar-JHAY/
to you American swine). It's fun to set up and fun to play!
Here's my proposition for the drinking game. It's played like the
instructions in the package with these additions:
A. Don't drink until game is assembled. (This is _very_ important.)
B. Game play.
1. Each missed shot is a drink.
2. A complete miss (three stirkes) is a cup-finish. (Drink every-
thing left in your cup.)
3. An earned chip is worth
a. making anyone else cup-finish. OR
b. a rule. OR
c. negating a rule.
4. Repeat until play is no longer possible.
C. Possible Rules.
1. Hole-in-one = one (1) drink for someone else.
2. Ball out of play (off table) = one (1) drink.
3. Almost any quarters or other drinking game rules.
*********************************************************************
[ From the KMc comes this bit o'info. If you're interested in one ]
[ of the internet players for VR, then check out Virtus. They are ]
[ not the fastest or even the friendliest, but they've got an in- ]
[ teresting product. ]
The VR site I mentioned is:
http://www.virtus.com/
*********************************************************************
Kids
The movie "Kids" is a frighteningly real look at a 24 hour period
in the life of several New York teens...when I say frightening, I'm
talking about a kid who gets up after a wild party and starts drin-
ing warm beer from the dregs of bottles to get going; I'm talking
about a 17 year old who calls himself the "virgin surgeon" and "spe-
cializes" in _young_ girls; I'm talking about 17 year olds finding
out they have AIDS. that's only part of the movie. If I had a teen-
aged kid I'd be taking him/her to see this. It's not pretty, but
it's not shock schlock. It's the real deal, and believe me, it's
harsh shit.
*********************************************************************
The Continuing Saga of the Bellach Sisters
and the (Duck) Skeletons in Their Closet.
Here's what the Bellach sisters have to say.
> ...You spell my name wrong and then have the gall to actually ask
> for the rest of that story?! I am supposed to sacrifice my sister's
> mental well being in order to satisfy your perverted sense of curiosity?
> What kind of sick person are you, anyway, wanting to hear the story of
> a flock of baby fluffballs being insensitively run over by the shiny
> chrome-rimmed wheels of our Ford Probe? Geez. :)
> Written with respect to the little ghost ducks that now
> wander aimlessly on the Roland Plaza Hwy. 101 entrance (Northern CA),
> Alison
As an amateur journalist let me say: a journalist should be accurate,
especially in spelling matters; an amateur though doesn't have to. So
there.
> Hi! Well.. I finally had a chance to check out this cool little 'zine.
<awwww!> Flattery gets you everywhere, except when I _really_ want
a story....
> Thanks for including my URL! I was very flattered. :) I would love to
> tell you the ducky story but it brings tears to my eyes thinking about
> it... and I would not want to bring up that trumatic experience back to
> my memory! (heehee)
> Well, catch ya later!
> -=Caroline=-
Help me out here, subscribers. Write e-mail to aLison and caroline
(alibee@linex.com and caroline@linex.com respectively) and beg and
plead for the story. (After this we go to war!)
*********************************************************************
[ From mbuna@eden.com comes a URL to laugh with ]
[ that makes you think of TankBoy's tastelessness. ]
http://www.umd.umich.edu/~nhughes/htmldocs/funeral.html
> 30 Ways to be Offensive at a Funeral
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> 1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make
> love with you.
> 2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you
> find your contact lens.
> 3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
> 4. Tell the widow that you're the deceasd's gay lover.
> 5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the
> deceased.
> 6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
> 7. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and
> they're not in it.
> 8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
> 9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
> 10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can
> sneak him into the coffin.
> 11. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
> 12. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
> 13. Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
> 14. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the
> will can be read before the funeral is over.
> 15. Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone
> poor who can't afford firewood.
> 16. Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
> 17. Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
> 18. Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
> 19. Take up a collection to pay off the deceased' gambling debts.
> 20. Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing
> on.
> 21. Put crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's
> last kiss.
> 22. Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
> 23. If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her
> nose.
> 24. When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the
> deceased's mouth.
> 25. Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream
> "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
> 26. At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to
> decompose.
> 27. Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.
> 28. Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of
> buried.
> 29. Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the
> coffin for back-taxes.
> 30. Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a
> straight face while praising the deceased.
*********************************************************************
That's it for this week. Stay tuned for more about those damned
(and apparently they were damned) ducks in Northern California.