Dalla Austin Con A Moray.
A trip to the home(y)town of Shreveport, Louisiana added over 1000
miles to my car. During all of that driving I spent _maybe_ 100
of those miles under the speed limit (or even under 10 miles over
the speed limit). That's 900 miles of driving more than 10 mph
over the speed limit in small Texas and Louisiana towns from Austin
to Shreveport to Le Comte to Shreveport and back to Austin. Not
even once did a policeman even give me a courtesy nod. On the way
to work Monday morning I got a ticket. 65 in a 55. Bastards!
*********************************************************************
[ from a concerned listener mmisra@owlnet.rice.edu ]
Did you ever mention anything about the Apples again?
[ to which I respond, whole-heartedly ]
Doh!
I promised a review of the Apples and here's what the deal is, bubba.
The Apples, live, was the (expected) wall of noise and finger-snapping
toe-tapping pop that we expect from Robert Shneider and his followers
in the experiments of fuzz. After listening to the CD for a few weeks
now, I must say that this kind of fuzz grows on you and if you don't
have a good razor, you may never get it off! (They'd dread this com-
parison, but:) Take Matthew Sweet and subtract the vicious angst and
pour in a dose of "Pet Sounds"-Beach Boys and you'll have an idea of
what you can get from these guys (and one adorable gal). The Apples
(Robert Shneider - singing, guitar, piano, melodica; Hilarie Sidney -
drums, singing, guitar, maraca, bells; John Hill - guitars, singing,
bass; as they appear on the album) stopped by for chips and dip one
night with two of their rotating Bass players and made it clear that
the band's future is not as focused as their music. Their only goal
at that time was to get home, but I'd bet their record company won't
let them rest too much before you see them again.
If you're interested in contacting the Apples, they do have a (blech!)
America On-Line e-mail account: elep6recco@aol.com!
*********************************************************************
While we're on the subject of "bands I know", I came across a shock
in my home town on Saturday night. I'd heard about a local band by
the name of "Habitual Sex Offenders" and ignored them due simply to
the fact that the last good band from North La. was an 80's keyboard
band. It turns out that two of the band members are also ex-d.j.'s
from the baddest-ass college radio station in the south, KLPI. Mike
"Red Dick" Dickinson and Tim Bryan (Hi Mike and Tim!) play drums and
bass (respectively) for HSO with another LaTech associate I haven't
met, Elroy, who plays guitar and leads the vocals.
To say that HSO were a nice clean-cut band from the bible belt would
be a travesty. These boys were rude and more p.u. than p.c. With
songs like "(Don't Have To Go Home But You) Can't Stay Here", "Please
Douche Before Christmas", and a Juicy Fruit Commercial take off
("...Juicy Spooge is gonna move ya'..."), you can tell this isn't
a quiet show. With this southern-rock addition to my post-punk
collection I've got something to give me a juvenile smile. If by
some bizarre (and lucky for you) miracle these guys are playing where
you can see them, go prepared for loud crude fun.
They also have a (blech!) America On-Line account: hsexoff@aol.com!
(and they're stuff was cheap at the S'port show, $5 for CD, $3 for a
7 inch (not 7 inches of "Red Dick" but 7 inches of vinyl.) (Lordee,
these guys are a bad influence.))
*********************************************************************
[ from the same un-wired co-worker as last week)
BY THE BALLS
>
> An elderly lady walked into a branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank
> building holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man
> at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the
> bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, thought,
> she would like to meet the President of Chase Manhattan Bank. Due to
> the amount of money involved, the teller seemed to think that that was
> a reasonable request and after opening the paper bag and seeing
> bundles of $1,000 bills which amounted to right around $3 million,
> telephoned the President"s secretary to obtain an appointment for the
> woman.
>
> The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's
> office. Introductions were made and she stated that she liked to get
> to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The
> bank president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of
> money.
>
> "Was it an inheritance?" he asked.
>
> "No," she answered.
>
> "Was it from playing the stock market?" he inquired.
>
> "No," she replied.
>
> He was quiet for a second, trying to think of where this elderly woman
> could possibly have come up with $3 million dollars.
>
> "I bet," she stated.
>
> "As in horses?" he asked.
>
> "No," she replied. "I bet people." Seeing his confusion, she explained
> that she just bet on different things with people. All of a sudden she
> said, "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00 o'clock tomorrow morning
> your balls will be square."
>
> The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and decided to
> take her on her bet. He didn't know how he could lose. For the rest of
> the day he was very careful. He decided to stay home that evening and
> take no chances as there was $25,000 at stake.
>
> When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make
> sure everything was okay. There was no difference in his scrotal
> appearance. He looked the same as he always had. He went to work and
> waited for the woman to come in at 10:00 o'clock, humming as he went.
> He knew this would be his lucky day -- how often did he get handed
> $25,000 for doing nothing?
>
> At 10:00 o'clock sharp the woman was shown into his office. With her
> was a man. When the bank president asked what the other man was doing
> in the office, she informed the president that he was here lawyer and
> she always took him along when there was that much money involved.
> "Well," she asked, "what about our bet?"
>
> "I don't know how to tell you this," he replied, "but I'm the same as
> I've always been, only $25,000 richer!"
>
> The lady seemed to accept this, but requested that she be able to see
> herself. The bank president thought this was a reasonable request
> considering the amount of money involved and dropped his trousers.
>
> She instructed him to bend over and then she grabbed hold of him. Sure
> enough, everything was fine. His balls were not square.
>
> The bank president then looked up and saw her lawyer, standing across
> the room banging his head against the wall. "What's wrong with him?"
> he inquired.
>
> "Oh, him," she answered. I bet him $100,000 that by 10:00 o'clock this
> morning I'd have the president of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls."
*********************************************************************
[ From kmembry%pop.databank.com, with the Squid fetish :) ]
Paint Shop Pro (JASC, Inc.) [ An excellent paint program. ]
http://www.winternet.com/~jasc/index.html
Image Alchemy (Handmade Software, Inc.) [ A good image conversion program. ]
http://www.handmadesw.com
(supposedly) Kick Ass html 3.0 broswer [ Try it, but don't buy it. ]
http://www.uni-ulm.de/~richter/udiwww/index.htm
Free Agent (the BEST usenet reader on or offline!) [ maybe. ]
http://www.forteinc.com/forte/
Thunderbolt (Jackie Chan's new movie!) [ Yes! ]
http://hwww.hk.linkage.net/markets/thunderbolt/
(movie clips, updates and chance to win 1 of 100 movie posters!)
Konami (the coin-op people)
http://www.wtinet.com/wti/konami.htm
*********************************************************************
[ from kmembry, "great news reader" he says (and sscivall@crl.com ]
[ agrees), but it's not too different or better than WinVN, IMHO. ]
get Free Agent 1.0 usenet reader, it rocks!
http://www.forteinc.com/forte/
you may not be able to find it from the web page, but then just ftp to
ftp.forteinc.com/pub/??? and poke around, you'll find it.
[ kmembry@databank.com also sends this "free agent newsreader hint" ]
If you are reading a news article and your cursor is at the top of
the article, hit ctrl-u and it will locate the first URL in the
message and highlight it and copy it to the clip board (so you can
just ctrl-v it into your web browser). Hitting ctrl-u again will
locate the next available url. This is an undocumented feature (supposedly).
*********************************************************************
[ From sscivall@crl.com ]
Here is a cool site for the WU
http://vivarin.pc.cc.cmu.edu/lyrics.html
has really cool lyrics for a bunch of songs.
*********************************************************************
"Clueless" - look for a Clueless quote list in an up-coming issue.
This movie rocks like Fast Times did! Go see it, and contribute
_your_ favorite quote.
*********************************************************************
[ From jbhall@databank.com ]
WIN95PRG4DUM-EZ
A (preliminary) Book Review of 'Windows 95 Programming for Dummies'
This book should have been titled 'MFC for Dummies'. ('MFC for the
Average Joe' would have been less insulting, but the 'for Dummies'
series is quickly gaining a reputation for being 'a good read' and
an excelent source for reference material.)
In addition to inciting uncontrolable giggling fits, a quick read of
the 'Who Are You?' section will let you decide, without doubt, if this
book is for you. Don't let the 'Windows 95' scare you away from this
book if you want to be a Windows 3.11 programmer. As the author says,
"...[F]or beginning MFC programmers, there really isn't that much
difference between Windows 95 and it's predecessors anyway. Most of
what's in this book, therefore, applies directly to MFC programming
for Windows 3.1." Stephen Davis (author) does predict, however, that
Windows 3.1 will fade from sight within one year of Windows 95's release.
(I believe his exact words had something to do with a snowball in El Paso).
Davis' writing style is VERY entertaining. I've read several books on C++
and his microwave analogy in chapter 6 was the best explination of OOP I've
ever seen. (Although, I do remember a similar analogy in Schmitz's 'Teach
Yourself C++').
The book does focus on Visual C++; So, Borland C++ users -- Get a real
compiler! (Just kidding; But Davis' 'Who Are You?' section clearly mentions
"Visual something-or-other" and never makes a reference to Borland.
Considering the fact that his sales pitch didn't stop until he had the retired
grandpa on isle three (who picked up this book by accident, thinking it was a
Windows 95 user's guide) buying this for his "clever" grandchildren, I don't
think the omission was an oversight.
I haven't had time to read the book from cover to cover yet. (Thus the
inclusion of 'preliminary' in the title). I've had it for about 12 hours and I
spent 8 of those sleeping and 1 driving. I'll spend the next 9 working, but
you can bet your blankedy-blank that, come 5pm, I'll have my blankedy-
blank glued to my 'comfy chair' with my 'Dummies' book in one hand and
keyboard under the other.
- Programmer-Boy
*********************************************************************
Well, since we're ending on an up note: Thpppbbbttt!!!!!