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| Johnny Rollerfeet presents... . ___ . ___ |
| The Weekend Update!! ._ / / ._ / / |
| an exclusive for the .__ / /__ .__ / /__ |
| Weekend Update Krewe!! ._ _ ( ) ._ _ ( ) |
| (?s, !s, and ideas welcome!!) .___ ()()()() .___ ()()()() |
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| --- An Original Electronic 'Zine --- |
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I spent the weekend mostly in bed resting up for what will be a intense
month. Mtv is running My So-Called Life every night at 7e/6c pm for an
entire month. In case anyone missed my raves about this show, it's the
"...Best Damned TV Show Ever..." No, really, it is. I've got a won-
derful gracious loving friend to tape all the episodes for me (since I
am currently without VCR) so I can watch them over and over in my old
age and wheeze to my great grand-kids "They don't make shows like this
anymore..."
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Computer geeks, and friends and associates of computer geeks unite!!!
The WWW page for Dilbert has moved. Here's the new address:
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert
or if you're interested in any of United Media's Comics; like 9 Chickweed
Lane, Committed, Robotman, Alley Oop, Marmaduke, Rose is Rose, Arlo
and Janis, or Jump Start; then try:
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/index.html
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[ One of the features of the Dilbert home page is Instructions on ]
[ joining Dogbert's New Ruling Class and an archive of old DNRC news ]
[ letters. Here's a sample from one about a year ago from 5/94: ]
Is Dilbert a Virgin?
Sadly, yes. I tried to solve that problem once but my editor decided the
funny papers weren't ready. I drew a series of strips where Dilbert had
a female co-worker who was a nymphomaniac. She confessed to Dilbert that
she had "torrid romances with half of the men in the department in the
past year" and asked if Dilbert thought she should seek counseling.
Dilbert's reply was "Oh, I'd give it another year." In the strips that
followed, it was clear that a happy Dilbert had become her most recent
conquest.
I always wished that series had made it through the editorial net. But
Dilbert gets another shot at it this summer when he meets a woman named
Liz. Liz will either take Dilbert's innocence or be killed by a meteor.
I haven't penned the ending yet. I'm going to monitor my e-mail and see
how the sentiment flows after Liz gets introduced. There will be a two
month lag while I decide her fate.
(If Dilbert gets lucky, I'll draw the strip one day this summer with his
necktie hanging flat. That's how you'll know.)
[ <heh-heh> That Scott Adams is a riot! ]
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[ From the soup expert, and beanworld fanatic arosen@seas.gwu.edu ]
[ Once again, I only include the first 25. If you want to see all ]
[ 100 of them (and they're all hilarious) then check out : ]
[ http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/pizza_order.html ]
25 ZANY WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the
person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and
you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition
and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED
COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's
"Master of Puppets" CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's,
ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they
called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you
would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows
from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters'
Camp, right?"
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[ My good buddy (and yours) curt_gloyer@ccmail.us.dell.com pointed me ]
[ to this site: ]
http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/~milesm/budfrogs.html
It's the Budweiser frogs TV commercial....
Bud, ER, Bud, Bud, Weis, Bud, Er, Weis, Bud, Weis, Er ....
Now you've got it ...
[ Also, check out the rest of this guy's home page. If you're using ]
[ Netscape 1.1b?, it looks even cooler: ]
http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/~milesm/index.html
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Well, that's all for now. Go back to doing generally productive things,
except when you take a break, send me your latest finds.