South-west or So-what?
Well, I'm gonna start with a long article going over the bands I saw at
South by South-West, so take a deep breath, now. Oh, yeah. If you were
one of the few WU redaers who made it to SXSW and you want to submit your
reviews, please do. Actually, if you want to review ANYTHING, write me.
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[][][][][][/ /] South Thursday:
[]+--+[][]/ /[] by Matthew Sweet-No surprise here, he
[]| |[][/ /][] SouthWest rocked! You've heard his songs
[]| |[]/ /[][] on the radio, and if you don't have
[]| |[/ /][][] "Altered Beast" or "Girlfriend" you
[]| |/ /[][][] should add them to your collection
_ []| / /_[][][] now. Matthew's one of the best hook
| |=___====+-----===--- writers alive today, and his lyrical
- []|__________][] pop stylings are phenomnal.
[][][][][][][][] Fleming & John-I caught these guys al-
most by accident. I went to the Ritz
a little early for the Fabu and Michelle Solberg sets, and was very sur-
prised. The guitarist (John?) was absolutely amazing, almost flamenco
in his playing. If you can see these guys cheap, go for it.
Fabu-a local band who I'd avoided seeing, but decided I couldn't avoid
any longer. This band features two female vocalists - a solid midrange
dark-haired, and a wispy Victoria Williams type (except she could carry
a tune better than VW). They were melodic, almost Shellyan Orphan.
Michelle Solberg-Michelle's an Austin ex-patriot living in New York. In
the past I've always enjoyed her simple musical and vocal styles. I was
shocked to see her dramatically writhing around her mike like a "Ghost
of a Dog"-Edie-Brickell. I left.
Liquid Mice, et al-Proteus had live music on Thursday only. It wasn't
part of SXSW, but it was free. They signed up weirdo/transcient-noise
bands to do some of their performance music for the kids. It was quite
interesting. It seemed more like an individuals competition for mus-
ical creativity with all the competitors competing at once.
Friday:
[ See my review of "Outbreak" below somewhere. ]
We were going to see Ned's Atomic Dustbin, but the line was around the
block, but that was fine...
Hamell on Trial-I've been reading the reviews of this guy for several
months, now, and I should kick myself for not going to see him sooner.
Ed Hamell is a (shaved) bald middle-aged man with a microphone,
an acoustice guitar and submersed punk attitude. He plays the guitar
with a fierceness that would burn you alive if you got too close. His
songs range from quiet and thoughtful to fast and furious. In between
songs is the real highlight, though. He shares insights, and tells
stories and tunes. He appears to be an expert at alternative tuning.
Abandon all else to see this man. The way I raved about 5-8 last year
is the way I rave about Hamell on Trial.
Seed-crowded;skilled but not talented;loud;I left.
Saturday:
Five-Eight-I can never say enough wonderful things about these fellas.
Four jumping thumping strumming picking true-post-punk artists who can
keep you smiling and make you wanna pogo 'tll you pass out. Green
Day and Offspring wish they had this much talent and appeal. There
are no hair dyes, or mouse/gel lifts, no glaring tatoos or strange
body piercings, no outlandish dressing, just good clean pure power.
Take every chance to see these fellas now, before you have to pay
$18.50+services charges.
Cake-after 5-8 I made my way to Austin's latest large venue, Austin
Music Hall. I go there half-way through the set of another band I
wasn't expecting. When a band makes you change your categories and
definitions, they have to be worth quite a bit. New Category: "White
Trash Funk", contains all the old "White Funk" bands, Billy Goat, Re-
tarded Elf, etc. Now only Cake and the RHCP can be "White Funk". Take
John S. Hall (King Missle/"Detachable Penis") and give him the ability
to carry a tune, add funky bass, hip-hop drummer, jazzy trumpet, and a
smooth guitar; mix well, let 'em bake, and you've got "Cake".
Poi Dog Pondering-happy-go-lucky show band. hmph.
Blues Traveller-I'm going to be un-P.C. and say that I still don't get
Blues Traveller. They aren't bad, but the whole hype seems centered
around the harmonica player, and in my Austin-spoiled opinion one great
instrumentalist doesn't make a great band.
Sunday:
The show to end all shows, the best damned musical ever, and an absolute
mind-blowing way to end SXSW: Jesus Christ Superstar. For those who
don't know, JCS is a humanist rock-n-roll musical about the last few
days of Jesus. It doesn't suppose any supernatural occurences, but it
also doesn't discount them. It simply shows real people as they live
through the final days of the world's greatest superstar. This musical
was put together by the lead singer of Big Fish Ensemble (who I now re-
gret not seeing), and features Amy Ray and Emily Saliers of the Indigo
Girls. It also brings out Mike Mantione (of Five-Eight) as Annas - a
fat cigar-smoking habit-wearing Pharacee, he was FABulous.
The show features a handful of Athens, GA bands switching out muscial
responsibilties while the vocalists and chorus controlled the front
of the stage wearing some of the gaudiest costumes. This show
rocked from the first. When Amy (as Jesus) entered from the back of
the auditorium belting "...WHY SHOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW? DON'T YOU MIND
ABOUT THE FUTURE..." during the second song "What's the Buzz?" the crowd
went freaking wild! The first Act ended with Mike and Five-Eight whip-
ing the actors and audience into frenzy with "Damned For All Time/Blood
Money". As Mike whirled and pogoed around the stage I melted.
The second Act was even better, with Funk/Prince band Social Insanity
pulling the honor of doing "Superstar" and grooving that show out com-
pletely. If you have a chance to see this show, DO IT! You'll prob-
ably not get more than one opportunity.
*********************************************************************
[ From the illuminated TEO - teo@eden.com ]
[ This is an abbreviated version. For the full to-do, check out ]
[ http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/chicken.html ]
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
*********************************************************************
I saw "Outbreak" this weekend, betweeen SXSW showings, and actually was
thrilled. It's a terrifying show, and the truly scary part is it's not
far from the truth. Before (or after) you see this movie, go read the
book it was loosely based on, "The Hot Zone" by Richard Preston.
Don't read it before dinner or you loose your appetitie. It's not a
pretty picture...
*********************************************************************
Also, I went, at the behest of my roomie BT <elvis1@mail.utexas.edu>,
to see "The Shawshank Redemption"...Wow. Tim Robbins, and Morgan Freeman
have helped to make a respectable version of a Steven King story, "Rita
Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption". This story is part of "Different
Seasons", the book that also contained "Stand By Me". this movie is as
good or better. See it in the theater before the Oscars come and go.
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[ From an unamed source, this very informative news bit: ]
Actually I have SOLID information that Windows NT will be distributed in
chain letter form. Within 60 days you will receive a letter containing a
list of names and addresses, along with instructions to write 10 lines of
C code and send them to the address at the top of the list before you add
your name at the bottom and mail copies to 84 of your friends. Having
done that you will simply sit back and wait a few weeks to receive
12.5 million lines of NT source code, which you will then compile and
link to form your NT system.
DO NOT break the chain. Microsoft has spent billions figuring out what
to do to people who break the chain. One beta tester forgot to mail his
source code, and within ten days his system was attacked by a virus and
then destroyed by a power surge. A woman told her friend not to respond
to the pre-release letter, and within hours she fell into a hole and was
devoured by poisonous NT bugs! Another man sent the letter back to
Microsoft, and within weeks he began hallucinating and ended up in
a mental hospital, endlessly repeating the word "downsizing".
Don't tell anyone that you heard this from me.
*********************************************************************
[ From our nuclear science boy, and wanna-be literatre :), Jank - ]
[ billjank@ix.netcom.com : ]
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument
on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of
me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even
invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
* Drink Liquor. (JD)
Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on
the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking
some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid
to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if
you drink several large shots of Jack Daniels, you'll discover you have
STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of
information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and
possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave
the room.
* Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove
Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU
are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of
Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid."
Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the
revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean
gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too.
Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford
Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in thesame
tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my
bath house."
* Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak
well, any-who
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.,"
"e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you
do not."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:
"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't
have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:
"Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua
Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they
do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
* Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your
opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians,
has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponents says Lincoln died in 1865.
You say You're begging the question.
OR
You say Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponents says Liberia is in Africa.
You say You're being defensive.
* Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and
you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds
suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do
remind me of Adolf Hitler."
You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on
people who generally carry weapons.
********************************************************************
[ I promised an OJ Free Zone, but thanks to KMc - kellymc@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu ]
heard this one?
Have you checked out OJ Simpson's home page?
http://////////////
(that's slash, slash, slash...)