u don't no jill
Well, you asked for it. Without my personal add-ins this issue of the WU
is appx. 300 lines. So, I will be filling in the blanks sharing the per-
sonal moments of joy that I've been blessed with lately. If you wish for
this torture to end then I suggest you get off your high horse and submit
something yourself for next week's WU.
7 inches:
I know what some of you less hip folks are thinking: "...when he said
personal life I never thought he'd be this personal..." ha hadeldy ha.
The craze in upstart bands for the past 3-5 years has been a fairly
under utilized medium: the 45 rpm vinyl record. Now-a-days these are
called "the 7 inch" (versus "the 12 inch", which was popular in the late
80's for techno, and acid-house music makers) because they are no longer
just 45 rpm, they also come in 33 1/3 rpm but they are still just seven
inches in diameter.
If you're looking for new music (or just thoroughly bored), then head
down to the hippest record store in town and in the dusty corners you
are sure to find a stack of these lovely small (and inexpensive) jewels.
They're usually only 1 to 5 dollars and are almost certainly from bands
you've never heard of (or maybe never heard).
In Austin at one of the better Used CD stores (Sound Exchange) the 7"'s
are prominently displayed across from the register. Many of you are
_now_ thinking "...ooooo la-de-da, in Austin 'the-land-of-milk-and-honey-
where-the-streets-are-paved-with-gold' they are cool enough to put the 7
inches at the front of the store..." -- It has little to do with being
cool, it's just that Sound Exchange is on "the Drag", right across from UT
right next to where all the teenage street trash hang out and if they
don't keep small merchandise in sight of the employees, said merchandise
tends to dissapear...if you know what I mean.
In my last dive through the 7 inch treasure chest, I came across one
with a picture of Billie Joe (from Green Day) in all his tatooed dyed-
hair half-naked glory with the title "I WANNA BE BILLIE JOE" emblazoned
in a poor man's font surrounding afore-mentioned rock star. I simply
couldn't resist, and I'm now the proud owner of my first Wat Tyler
musical medium. Hopefully, it won't be my last. If you are the cur-
ious type and have a web browser, and a sound card, I am putting a
few of the Wat Tyler songs at http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/music/.
Since the liner notes say "Absolutely No Copyright", I now share with
you from the liner notes. (I'm leaving out the song lyrics, 'cause with-
out the music this would be more toturesum than I am willing to person-
ally inflict on you. Rest assured though that the album is musically
worth the $1.99 I paid for it, the liner notes were just icing on the
cake.)
To start, from one of the explanations of one of the songs: "...swearing
despite what anyone says is big and clever..."
THE WAT TYLER GAMES COMPENDIUM
FOAM MOUTH (INVENTORS: SNUFF) When on long van journeys, pick at little
bits of the foam mats and cushions you are sitting on to get small bits of
foam. Everyone else in the van sits with their mouths open and you try to
throw the foam into their mouth. They may also be throwing foam at you,
so you have to be careful to keep your mouth wide open at all times, too.
If a piece of foam goes into your mouth, you must attempt to spit it back
into the mouth of the person who threw it. If (and this has never happened
yet), that person then spits it back into your mouth, you have to swallow
the bit of foam. Heavy metal bands might like to try this game with cig-
arette butts.
TYLER (INVENTORS: WAT TYLER) Whenever anyone says "What?" you, quick as a
flash, say "Tyler". Do this all of the time.
BLOW BELCH (INVENTORS: WAT TYLER, BASED ON AN IDEA BY DEATH-HEAD) When
you belch or burp, catch the foul air in your mouth then turn to a friend
and blow the belch into their face from close range. Ignore repeated
warnings to stop on the grounds of it "being disgusting", until your friend
snaps and pummells you into the ground, then say sorry and promise not to
do it again.
LEATHERFACE (INVENTORS: WAT TYLER) When many people are sleeping in the
same room, the last person to say "Leatherface" before everyone goes to
sleep is the winner. You can say it quietly, but it must be heard; you
can try to disguise it as a yawn, or a cough, or a sneeze. In the morning
you can argue that you said it last and that everyone else was asleep.
This is a real game of endurance and is worth missing parties in order to
get an early night to play "Leatherface".
UPSET THE DUTCHMAN (INVENTORS: WAT TYLER & LEATHERFACE) If you are tra-
velling with a Dutchman or Dutchwoman, they are probably better at every-
thing than you are. You are duty bound to dedicate your whole journey
trying to upset the Dutchperson. This is a very easy game.
**************************************************************************
Review: 12 Monkeys
If you haven't seen a Terry Gilliam film before, then I suggest you rent
a few before paying to see this movie. Almost all of you will be aware
of Mr. Gilliam's tyrade with the Monty Python crew, but this should NOT
influence you to see 12 Monkeys. If on the other hand you've seen either
"The Fisher King" or "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" AND you have
seen "Brazil" then you have a good basis to decide how you should see
this movie. If you liked Brazil then this is a full price movie. Great
acting (I solemnly swear I will never tell another BradPitt=bad_actor
joke ever) and the cinematography, special effects, and directing are
great. If on the other hand Brazil was too much for you, see this
movie for matinee or at the dollar theatre. Don't rent this one, though,
cause you'll miss some really great celluloid.
...hmph, how's that for a review that tells you absolutely nothing
about the actual subject matter...
**************************************************************************
[ tankboy@eden.com sent in this little bit to make us aware ]
[ of the fact that, not only does he have taste, he has a ]
[ heart...or at least a sense of humour. ]
CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA
Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients
Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President
Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn
region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American
history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters
A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more
pronounceable.
"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr
and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world,"
Clinton said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say
'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in
their incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in
this noble endeavour."
The deployment, dubbed "Operation Vowel Storm" by the State Department,
is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv
and Grzny slated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport
planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from
Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over
the cities.
Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the
vowels. "My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg
Grzdnjkln, 44, said. "I have six children and none of them has a name
that is understandable to me or to anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please
send my poor, wretched family just one 'E.' Please."
Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I
could be George Humphries. This is my dream."
..
The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a
foreign country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US
shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua,
Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's.
The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of
the letters were intercepted and hoarded by violent, gun-toting
warlords.
**************************************************************************
[ tankboy@eden.com sent this, also, so that we'd know he at least ]
[ knows when he's being tasteless and that he can occasionally be ]
[ Politically (yechh!) Correct. ]
The Three Little Politically Correct Pigs
by James Finn Garner
Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual respect
and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were
indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house. One pig built
a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay,
and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they
were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back
to live in peace and self-determination.
But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big bad wolf
with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry , in both a
physical and an ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran
into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the
door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs
defending their homes and culture."
But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny.
So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened
pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the
house of straw had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a
banana plantation.
At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic
oppressor!"
At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself : "They
are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go, but
progress cannot be stopped."
So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs
ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the
house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort
complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass reconstruction
of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops , snorkeling, and
dolphin shows.
At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters
of protest to the United Nations.
By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situa
-tion from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and
huffed and puffed, the grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive
heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.
The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little
dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their
homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced
off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort
complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel
wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not
to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model social
-ist democracy with free education, universal health care, and affordable
housing for everyone.
Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No
actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.
**************************************************************************
[ If you aren't familiar with UNIX, you may have trouble getting this ]
[ next one. In UNIX help files are called man(ual) pages and they ]
[ look something like this: (thanks to kmembry@greenmtns.com for this)]
BABY(1) USER COMMANDS BABY(1)
NAME
BABY - create new process from two parent processes
SYNOPSIS
BABY sex [ name ]
SYSTEM V SYNOPSIS
/usr/5bin/BABY [ -sex ] [ -name ]
AVAILABILITY
The System V version of this command is available with the Sys-
tem V software installation option. Refer to Installing
SunOS 4.1 for information on how to install and invoke BABY.
DESCRIPTION
BABY is initiated when one parent process polls another server
process through a socket connection (BSD) or through pipes in the
system V implementation. BABY runs at a low priority for approximately
40 weeks then terminates with heavy system load. Most systems require
constant monitering when BABY reaches it's final stages of execution.
Older implentations of BABY required that the initiating
process not be present at the time of completion, In these versions
the initiating process is awakened and notified of the results upon
completion. Modern versions allow both parent processes to be active
during the final stages of BABY.
example% BABY -sex m -name fred
OPTIONS
-sex
option indicating type of process created.
-name
process identification to be attaced to the new process.
RESULT
Successful execution of the BABY(1) results in new process
being created and named. Parent processes then typically
broadcast messages to all other processes informing them of their
new status in the system.
BUGS
The SLEEP command may not work on either parent processes for
some
time afterward, as new BABY processes constantly send interrupts
which must be handled by one or more parent.
BABY processes upon being created may frequently dump
in /tmp requireing /tmp to be cleaned out frequently by one
of the parent processes.
The original AT&T version was provided without instuctions
regarding the created process, this remains in current
implementations.
SEE ALSO
cigars(6) dump(5) cry(3)
OTHER IMPLEMENTATIONS
gnoops(1)
FSF version of BABY where none of the authors will accept
responsibility for anything.
NOTES
baby -sex f -name Cathryn Leigh Beck
completed sucessfully at the Grey Nuns Hospital on March 30 at
9:59 P.M. after 5 hours of labour. New Mom Chenelle is doing
fine, as is the baby, Dad is tickled pink. Both will probably
come home sometime on Teusday. More information can be gotten
from Dad by e-mail or when he brings his new little girl by to
show her off (should be soon) Celebrations can probably begin
in earnest after Dad catches up on all the work he couldn't do
this weekend.
Sun Release 4.1 Last change: Just before I left the hospital last.
**************************************************************************
[ Also from kmembry@greenmtns.com is some more industry humor. ]
"Memo of the Month," From The Washington Monthly, January/February
1991, page 24:
This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all
IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest
of us guys find it rather funny.
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)
Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to
operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse
balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer
of the mouse.
Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls
are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually
static sensitive.
However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon
completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for
maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer
missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these
necessary items.
To re-order, specify one of the following:
P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls
**************************************************************************
[ In the search for more destruction and mayhem, kmembry also sent ]
[ me this URL for which I send big KUDOS to the folks who work at ]
[ SGI (the same folks who brought us the cool computers and ]
[ software that gave us Jurrassic Park and Jumnaji). ]
http://reality.sgi.com/employees/dbg/antics/
My dad of all people emailed me this one! It's great (and has links
to even better places)
[ Here's some quotes from the site: ]
This page is a documentary about some of the antics, mayhem, destruction
and general fooling around that go on in AGD (the Advanced Graphics
Division at SGI). You can try this stuff at home if you want, but if you
lose three fingers, your neighbor's dog gets blown to bits and a lawyer
sues you, don't come crying to us. Take responsibility for your own actions.
SGI does NOT endorse doing any of the stuff on this page. In fact I'm lucky
I haven't been fired yet...
...I've had one of these explode in my hands before and I didn't loose
any fingers, so it's not that dangerous (but it didn't exactly feel good
either). Further, there is no heat or fire involved, so it's not that big
a deal (it's just a damn loud explosion)...
...The lens has a focal length of 54 inches, though in practice it
requires a little less. Once the lens is focused, water will boil
instantly (boring). Asphalt will catch fire in a few seconds...
**************************************************************************
[ and last, but never least, yet always without a computer, ]
[ from Trey "the man w/o a computer" LaBorde is another URL ]
[ that features juvenille behavior and destruction: ]
http://www.dropsquad.com