+------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Johnny Rollerfeet presents... . ___ . ___ | | The Weekend Update!! ._ / / ._ / / | | an exclusive for the .__ / /__ .__ / /__ | | Weekend Update Krewe!! ._ _ ( ) ._ _ ( ) | | (?s, !s, and ideas welcome!!) .___ ()()()() .___ ()()()() | +------------------------------------------------------------------+ | --- An Original Electronic 'Zine --- | +------------------------------------------------------------------+
more useless mildly annoying/amusing stuff from "some girl"
History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until you work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis.
Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
Physchology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.
Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any.
Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand.
Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.Table O' Contents - Greeting/Top
BRISBANE, Austrialia (Reuter) - When your tabby cat makes a telephone call in Australia there's no charge. This was the ruling after a Siamese cat ran up a large bill by knocking a telephone receiver off its cradle and then hitting the redial button, an Australian newspaper reported Thursday. But the cat's owner did not have to pay the bill because Australia's telephone ombudsman found communications laws did not provide for animals making calls, Brisbane's Courier-Mail said.
TORONTO (Reuter) - A Canadian couple got a rude awakening when an aircraft sent a large chunk of frozen urine whizzing through the roof of their home. The deposit landed a few feet from where they were sleeping. ``It was like a big, big bomb crashing through my roof and it landed right beside the bed,'' householder Fanzia Zaig told the Canadian Press. ``It missed us only by a couple of feet.'' Canadian aviation officials were trying to track down the aircraft, which dumped its blue-green cargo Monday night as it approached Toronto's Pearson International airport. ``It's a freak thing, a very rare occurence,'' airport spokesman Bruce Reid said in an interview Wednesday. ``There are regulations in place that aircraft have to be serviced on the ground. They can't just dump their stuff in the air.'' Zaig and her partner are still stuck with the waste at their home in Thornhill, north of Toronto. ``We don't know what to do and nobody is helping us to get rid of it. The whole thing is making us sick,'' Zaig said.Table O' Contents - Greeting/Top
Little to tell, unless anyone wants to know that I'm writing my Senior Essay on the synthesis of hermeneutics and embodiement in Nietzschean views of Unity. I didn't think so.
I just happened upon an on-line demonstration/test of an artificial intelligence/language simulator type-thing. Telnetting to :
puts you into a program that allows you to "talk" to several artificial personalities. I've only tried one so far, a dragon named Maur. You begin by getting trapped in a cave with the hungry creature, and the object is to talk your way out of getting eaten. I don't think i got past 10 sentences before being eaten, having tried 5 or 6 times. The other main character is a girl named Alice, and there are also subject areas about AIDS and Epilepsy, I believe they use the natural language system as an information gathering tool. Check it out.
Adam was walking through the Garden of Eden when God said to him, "Adam, how would you like to have a woman to keep you company?" Adam said, "That sounds ok God, but what's a woman?" God replies, "A woman is a beautiful creature who cooks for you, cleans for you, does your laundry, worships the ground you walk on, never talks back, never nags and has sex at the drop of a hat!" Adam says, "Jeese God, that sounds great, but how much is it going to cost me?" God says, "An arm and a leg." Adam says "Hmmm, what can I get for just a rib?"
Table O' Contents - Greeting/TopI think I may have finally worked out the kinks in my World Wide Web home page, AKA "The crappiest home page in the world". So if you're looking at your Unix prompt, and your system runs lynx, type:
lynx http://gwis2.circ.gwu.edu/~kellymc
that little ~ thing is a tilde, probably in the upper left corner of your keyboard. Give it a try and enjoy your forray into the future of the Internet!
Johnny Rollerfeet 2810 Salado #325 Austin, TX 78705
"Did I ever tell you," I said, "about the time last year in Stanley Park when Mark and I went rollerblading?" [P] "No." [P] "There was this group of blind people, with white canes and everything...and they motioned for us to stop, and we did. Then they handed Mark a camera. They asked Mark to take their picture." [P] "Blind people?" [P] "Exactly. But the strange thing was, they still belive in sight. In pictures. I'm thinking that's not a bad attitude." -- excerpt from _Life_After_God_ by Douglas Coupland