A special message to the eager masses of WU readers who are waiting to
join the Work Force: RUN SCREAMING! I've spent most of _my_ precious
weekend in my office working on my ulcer. An ulcer is a project not to
be taken lightly or quickly. As a matter of fact, avoid it at all costs.
The best way to do this is to join the ranks of Slackerdom and/or the
Eternal Students (these groups are often mistakenly identified as one and
the same, but in fact they are seperate, but non-exclusive).
This issue the KMc Pantry Review is from me and I'll be talking about Taco
Bell's new bacon-oriented burritos: the Club Burrito, the Bacon Cheese-
burger Burrito, and the BLT Burrito. This new taste sensation from TB
adds the object of Bacon-Flavored Bacon to the Modularity School of Cook-
ing that was founded and developed by Taco Bell. When I say Bacon-Flavored
Bacon I mean that they've taken their bacon and added bacon flavoring to
it -- at least, that's what it tastes like. This sounds odd because it is
odd. You have to _really_ like bacon to enjoy these new flavors. They're
great ideas, but not tested enough. The Club is pretty good and the Bacon
Cheeseburger is ok, but the BLT is definitely an acquired taste.
This segues us into our first three pieces, and the only common thread of
this week's issue: Taco Bell.
BTW, Taco Bell still hasn't answered any of my daily letters requesting
the addition of a duck (http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html) object to
the Taco Bell Food Components list.
**************************************************************************
[ From Taco Bell expert, stavros@eden.com, are two URL's ]
[ that focus on the most important fast food innovations ]
[ of the last few generations. ]
Taco Bell Net
A site totally dedicated to...ummmm...oh yeah...Taco Bell
- great little taco graphics
- TB logos everywhere
- full menu guide (with descriptions)
- quotes for right-winged TB fanatics
http://www.csh.rit.edu/~gentry/tbnet.html
while I am on the TB kick...this is an actuall TB location that has
its own web page.
http://www.charm.net/~ibc/daytona/dining/taco.html
**************************************************************************
[ Also from stavros@eden.com is our first top 10 of ]
[ this issue: Top 10 Reasons: Taco Bell vs. Women! ]
Here is someone that has decided to stand up for what he believes in, I know
that quite a few WU readers are "Gung-Ho" TB fans, but don't you think this
is going a little overboard ?
> Taco Bell vs. Women
>
> Those of you who know me know that I love Taco Bell more than life
> itself... well, the question was brought up: given the choice, would I
> go for tacos or women? Tough question... and to help me explain my
> answer, here's...
>
> THE TOP TEN REASONS TACO BELL IS BETTER THAN WOMEN
>
>10. How many women come with free refills?
> 9. Taco Bell is as hot as you want it to be!
> 8. Easier to pick up!
> 7. You can enjoy tacos all month long.
> 6. The worst disease you can get from Taco Bell is gas.
> 5. Licking a taco won't get you slapped in the face.
> 4. When you're done, you can just throw a taco away.
> 3. You can have Taco Bell without fat!
> 2. Tastes better!
> 1. Cheese on Taco Bell is a good thing.
>
> Contact the responsible party / Jay Matthew Fenster / jmf8b@virginia.edu
**************************************************************************
[ And lastly: Spork! SPORK!!! ALL HAIL THE SPORK!!! ]
[ also found by Stavros@eden.com. ]
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 95 10:32:11
In article <48ofvj$6hi@newsbf02.news.aol.com>...
>
>All hail the Almighty Taco Bell Spork! Its powers endless! Its might
>unparalleled! Its significance unrealized! The SPORK will bring about
>great changes in the world! Already many have fallen beneath its
>impenetrable strength! Look, now, at Jim Bakker! O.J. Simpson! Don King!
>What OTHER excuse do you have for that hair? The SPORK is all that is evil
>in this world! Verily, I say unto ye, BEWARE THE SPORK!!! And TACO BELL
>has become the omnipotent SPORK's WILLING HENCHMAN!!! We must FIGHT this
>power! You must FLING the unedible portions of your Soft Taco Supremes and
>Bean Burritos AT THE EMPLOYEES!!! PLEASE!!! IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN
>DEFEAT THE SPORK!!!
[ Now, I've never been a proponent of flinging food ]
[ and I certainly wouldn't support the idea of using ]
[ Taco Bell food for this. I personally believe ]
[ that this is all just so much typical conspiracy ]
[ theory from some insane X-Files junkie. ]
**************************************************************************
[ From betc@eden.com, and Jhathorn@shreveport.harrahs.com ]
[ is our first (of two) movie review for the week. ]
--FROM BETC--
"Goldeneye" aka James Bond is Back - matinee with a coke
OK I will admit here and now that I've always liked James Bond movies,
no matter how sexist I think they are. Also I HATED Timothy Dalton as
Bond!!!
"Goleneye" was the typical Bond movie, attractive woman, guns, fast
cars, fast chase scenes, espionage, and of course sex. But, I really
enjoyed it! It had the Bond wit and humor that was lacking in "Living
Daylights" and might I say Pearce Brosnon is a DAMN good Bond. Hopefully
he will last as long as good ol' Sean. I also would like to give credit
to who ever had the tank fetish as a boy that had to be one of the best
chase scenes this 'Mario Andretti wanna be' has seen in a long time. I
also give the writers credit for trying a little too hard to bring this
WAY out of date character into the 20th century (a female M, sexual
harassment comment, safe sex comment, etc.) But the thing about James
Bond is that he is SO out of date. He's a 'man's man', SWAVE AND
DE-BONE-ER, chauvinistic and all those awful thing that woman hate (but
also like to see in the movies). I'm not sure if I liked the bad guy or
not, he was a little too predictable his sadistic sidekick was kind-of
interesting (or at least Steve seemed to think so) Anyway my review is
to, Yes, see the movie (and coming from someone who doesn't like to pay
full price for anything) I can only give it matinee...BUT definitely
with a LARGE coke, LARGE popcorn, and Hot Tomales (or Junior mints
whichever you prefer)
--From Jhathorn--
The trailers have been good. The hype has been there. But could Pierce
Brosnan be the next James Bond? Oh yes indeed baby!!! 007 is back in
Goldeneye and he is one bad ass, smooth, womanizing, suave, mother. I been
waiting for this movie since I saw the first trailer in July or so. And I
wasn't let down. It brings back memories of the James Bond of old - Sean
Connery. Some will say that Sean will always be 007 but I believe that
Pierce will give him a definite run for the money. Goldeneye has every
quintessential piece of a classic Bond tale - bad guy out to take over the
world, big stunts, great one liners, gorgeous women, and a darn good story
even if it is post Cold War. If you ever remotely enjoyed any of the Bond
flicks, you'll love this one. No limits. No fears. No substitutes. Opening
Night.
Both TreyLa and I agree - after seeing the 8:15 showing, we could have
definitely gone to see this one again - at the 10:30 showing.
**************************************************************************
"Now and Then" - Rental
The beginning sucked, the end sucked, the adult female actresses sucked.
Gaby Hoffman and Christina Ricci are vying for the next Winnona Ryder
slot on the Wall of Fame and the core of the movie (the 90% between the
beginning and the end) was a very touching story of young girls finding
themselves despite a "shitty" world. They could have left Demi, Rosie,
and the women out of it and had a perfect movie.
**************************************************************************
[ From stavros@eden.com, comes the site featuring ]
[ the only movie I can get excited about this season ]
[ (or at least that I'm willing to admit to). ]
Welcome To Toy Story
http://www.toystory.com/
[ Video clips, character write-ups, actor write-ups, ]
[ sound clips, still pictures, a Windows and a Mac ]
[ game, and A COLORING BOOK! This is the best movie ]
[ to date. Even if you don't see the film (which ]
[ would be a HUGE mistake) you should take a look at ]
[ the web site. ]
**************************************************************************
[ and from Kelly.McCollum@chronicle.com we get the ]
[ Wired (http://www.hotwired.com) press release. ]
Wired profiles the first feature film shot entirely on location - in
cyberspace. Burr Snider visits Pixar's Toy Story in the December issue. San
Francisco, 1 December 1995 - Two years ago, less than a half-dozen feature
films employed the use of computer graphics in some way; this year
maybe a half-dozen won't. If Hollywood has suddenly embraced the computer
as a significant (and cost-effective) illusion-making tool, then
Toy Story, the first of a Pixar/Disney three-picture deal, is arguably the
most ambitious computer-generated undertaking in history. In Wired's
December issue, Burr Snider discovers an entirely new era of film in the
making.
Toy Story is the brainchild of Pixar Animation Studios Director John
Lasseter, pictured on Wired's December cover as an animated character
similar to those in the movie. In fact, the lead character of Toy Story
has its origins in Lasseter's own childhood. "Woody" is based on his
favorite toy, a pullstring Casper-the-Ghost talking doll, which he still
keeps in his office.
"If, as they say, whimsy is coded into the genes of animators, Lasseter was
definitely born with it." Snider writes. "One look at him sitting in a
director's chair that his production team fashioned for him - a wheelchair
with drink holder, ooga-ooga horn, and gaudy biker streamers coming from
the arm rests - and you know the man was destined to make cartoons." And,
it seems, so were the more than 100 people who have been pouring heart
and soul into Toy Story. In the final crunch stages of production, Snider
expected the Pixar staff to be very tense. What he found was an entirely
different atmosphere: "If things were any looser here, everybody's pants
would fall off. As Lasseter puts it, animators are kids who never grew up,
and Pixar is the kind of place where people navigate the mazelike hallways
on kiddie push scooters, where rainbow displays of penny-candy jars are to
be found at every corridor intersection, and where successful shot
completions are rewarded with trips to the freebie in-house toy box." In
spite of the relaxed mood, the labor at Pixar is still endlessly
exacting. Four years in the making, the 77-minute film required 800,000
machine-hours to render a final cut.
"What kept pushing us was that we were doing something that's never been
done," Lasseter says. "With these tools of computer animation you can make
things look so real that people believe whatever you've created really
exists."
**************************************************************************
[ from HSEXOFF@aol.com, the Habitual Sex Offenders, (who ]
[ can be found at http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/hso) is ]
[ the latest update on the band and their shenanigens. ]
Howdy y'all, here's the latest breaking news in the world of HSO.
NEW CD!!!!
It's out, "Cracked Rear Entry", the new opus from the HABITUAL SEX OFFENDERS,
you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll guzzzle the nearest alcoholic beverage.
Lots of cool music and sick humor, (check out track 69).
For ordering info email Rancheros@aol.com
WEB PAGE
Our web site is still under construction, but is up and running at
http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/hso/
check it out, there will be more stuff online soon.
CONTEST WINNER
The HSO OJ contest winner is Jeff MCLeod, it's a shame we can't reprint his
answer though. Congrats Jeff!!!!!!
FIRST ANNUAL FAREWELL TOUR
HSO is taking a long and much needed sabbatical after early December, our
mailbox and e-mailbox as well as the web page will be around for your
comments and hatemail.
Look for HSO stuff on various compilations in 1996 and a possible 7".
Catch Timmy's other band Pummel, somewhere near you and with HSO and 16 other
bands on Chicken Ranch Round UP #1, for more info e-mail The Chicken Ranch at
Rancheros@Aol.Com
CONTEST
(in 25 words or less)
Why is HSO the greatest band in the known universe???
the winner receives a t-shirt and an HSO CD (your choice).
TOUR DATES
NOVEMBER
30- Croc's, Ruston, LA
DECEMBER
1- Loose Caboose, West Monroe, LA (all ages)
6- Ocean Club, Longview, TX
8- Emo's, Austin, TX
9- Das Warehouse, Shreveport, LA (all ages) doors open at 8, last show of
1995
Thanks to everyone who has supported us these past couple of years, we hope
to see y'all sometime in 1996. - Mike, Elroy, Timmy- HSO
**************************************************************************
[ From roomie and friend teo@eden.com is our first ]
[ humourous piece...which for some strange reason ]
[ I just can't laugh at... ]
Man Wounded in Genitals When Showing Off His Gun, Gets Arrested
Eds: Note contents throughout.
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (AP) - An 18-year-old man accidentally shot himself
in the genitals when he tried to show his girlfriend the sawed-off
shotgun in his pants.
Kevin Hall was treated at a hospital Friday for a cut to his penis and
powder burns on the inside of his thigh. Police then arrested him on
several charges, including possession of a sawed-off shotgun.
Police were called to the scene after someone reported a shooting on a
street corner. When they arrived, they found Hall lying on the ground
clutching his groin. His pants, which had a large hole, were still
smoking.
Hall told police he was the victim of a drive-by shooting. But his
girlfriend said Hall was showing her the gun he had in his pants when
the weapon went off.
The gun was found in some nearby bushes, police said.
Hall also was arrested on suspicion of reckless endangerment and
illegal discharge of a firearm. He was being held in lieu of $100,000
bond pending arraignment Monday.
http://www1.trib.com/WIRE/CURRENT/general/Man_Wounded_in_Genitals_When_S.html
**************************************************************************
[ Our second humor piece From Kelly.McCollum@chronicle.com ]
[ is another of those Urban Legends from the Internet: ]
Make a run for the border, Louise!
The following is *true*. It amused the hell out of me while it
was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra
holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to
eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I
can get something to eat and not have to worry about people
getting pissed at me.
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
IT: "Is that it?"
ME: "Yep."
IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at
it kind of funny and
IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The
following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
MG: "No. A what?"
IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
IT: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says
IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
IT: "I don't know."
ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
IT: "Yeah."
ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
IT: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to
shoplift, and
IT: "He says I have to take it."
MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE." [my emphasis]
IT: "What should I do?"
MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
MG: "Just tell him."
IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says
MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm
and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall
with 100 other stores.]
ME: "Well, here's a two."
MG: "We don't take *those* either."
ME: "Why the hell not?"
MG: "I think you *know* why."
ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "Excuse me?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "What the hell for?"
MG: "Please, sir."
ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
MG: "Would you please just leave?"
ME: "No."
MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on
the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me
from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for
effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and
says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
SG: "Really? What?"
MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has
is a fifty."
SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
MG: "NO, the $2 is."
SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
SG: "Yeah..."
Security guard walks over to me and says
SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
ME: "Uh, no."
SG: "Lemme see 'em."
ME: "Why?"
SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat,
so I said
ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a
swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his
hands, and says
SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
MG: "It's fake."
SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
MG: "But it's a **$2** bill."
SG: "Yeah?"
MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and
it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those
cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2
bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got
the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At
least you get free food.
**************************************************************************
[ Also from KMc ]
Subject: WWW> A DAY WITHOUT GRAPHICS
http://www.cyberzine.org/html/WAD/index.html
A DAY WITHOUT GRAPHICS Seattle, WA (EGCM) AIDS awareness will extend
to the world wide web of the Internet for World AIDS Day, December 1,
when A Day Without Graphics will take place. Participating Internet
sites will disable inline graphics, darken their text screens or link
to a special page on the web to demonstrate AIDS awareness.
[ The WU will be participating. ]
**************************************************************************
[ From the ever-unwired "Coquette" is our last piece ]
[ and !surprise! it's a joke... ]
An Irishman, a Mexican and an Aggie were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and
the Irishman said "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and
cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The
Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed "Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The Aggie opened
his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more
time I'm jumping too."
Next day - the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage
and jumps to his death. The Mexican open his lunch, sees a burrito and
jumps, too. The Aggie opens his lunch, sees the bologna
and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral - The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have
given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also weeps and says "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Aggie's wife. "Hey, don't look at
me" she said. "He makes his own lunch!"