Special - O.J. Edition <heeurch!>
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****** GOAL LINE -- O.J. FREE ZONE ENDS HERE -- GOAL LINE ******
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This special edition is dedicated to kmembry@internetMCI.com in
honor of his being able to send multiple messages in short amounts
of time. I can only do 2 messages in 2 minutes, but I'm working
my way up to Squid status.
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http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html (I have this URL memorized.)
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[ From el Greek Boy, stavros@eden.com, shorts from HotWired : ]
Top 10 OJ Gifts for the holidays
10. Judge Ito action figure
9. 'Guilt-Free' orange juice from Tropicana
8. "My first DNA home testing kit", from Kenner
7. Limited edition Isotoner gloves - one size doesn't fit all
6. The O.J. Simpson edition Ford Bronco, complete with blood stains
on the floor boards
5. 'The making of' video of c|net's OJ Simpson VR run-through
4. "Money, Race, and Guilt, the Real Deal" by John Cochran (on stands
Nov. 11)
3. miniature Tyco race track of LA freeway, complete with white Bronco
and twenty five police cars - one speed control, and the slower the
Bronco goes, the slower the cop cars go.
2. Utah Saints' new cd-rom, "O.J.trance" - re-mixing all the best car
chase music and set to the Bronco car 'chase' of a year and a half
ago.
1. A full line of O.J. Simpson 12" action figures - 'haggard-face OJ',
'pale OJ', 'worried OJ', 'elated OJ', 'ski-mask OJ'
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[ From that club kid trainer, tankboy@eden.com: ]
After months of silence, OJ finally spoke at the trial. His words to
Judge Ito were.. "I did not, could not and would not have committed
this crime."
Seems with a little help from Dr. Suess and a bit more time, he and
Judge Ito could have extended this statement:
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Ito's statemets in ALL CAPS... OJ's in lower case.
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DID YOU DO THIS AWFUL CRIME?
DID YOU DO IT ANYTIME?
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.
DID YOU TAKE THIS PERSON'S LIFE?
DID YOU DO IT WITH A KNIFE?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime
I could not, would not, anytime.
DID YOU LEAVE A POOL A BLOOD?
DID YOU DROP THIS BLOODY GLOVE?
I did not leave a pool of blood.
I can not even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime
I could not, would not, anytime.
I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them Sam I Am
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[ From the fish-monger, mbuna@eden.com: ]
Sacramento, CA, Oct 3, 1995 (Disassociated Press) -- California
today joined 6 other states in passing a "wealthy defendant
evidence act" in the wake of this morning's verdict in
the Simpson(TM) trial.
The new law requires prosecutors to evaluate the wealth of very
wealthy defendants, plus any potential income they might gain
from book and movie deals, and compare it to the weight of
evidence against the defendant. If the defendant is really
rich, the case must be very solid before the prosecution will
seek and indictment.
"We just wasted millions prosecuting Simpson(TM), and cost the
country untold amounts of lost productivity," according to
attorney general Dan Lungren. "Let's face it, the police always
make little mistakes and have their foibles -- they're human. A
rich defendant can always afford the lawyers to exploit these
mistakes and get off, so it just wastes valuable taxpayer money
to prosecute them." he explained.
"For example, should Microsoft(R) Chairman Bill Gates (America's
wealthiest man) commit a murder in California, we would want a
videotape shot by the Pope of him slicing his victim's throat
and a full confession. Notorization by the President or doing
the murder in front of the jury would also help. For policemen
beating a motorist, we don't need the Pope as cameraman, but the
video must be in focus. Poor black residents of Los Angeles,
however, would be prosecuted if Mark Fuhrman doesn't like them
-- it's a sliding scale."
State legislators estimated the bill would save millions, in
spite of protests by the Court TV cable network and
Time-Warner/Turner/CNN. An alternate proposal, to simply bill
the wealthy defendants their expected legal expenses in exchange
for the dropping of charges was dropped as potentially
unconstitutional.
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**** GOAL LINE -- O.J. FREE ZONE RETURNS HERE -- GOAL LINE *****
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NO MORE O.J.! I mean it this time, kids!