Send Matter Transport Protocol
When I started editing the WU last night I realized that it was over
1200 line long. If you haven't been paying attention, the WU usually
runs 200 to 350 lines. It's so wonderful it brings tears to my eyes.
More and more people are finding more and more ways to waste my time.
<sniff> Don't let this sway you from sending in your submissions to
the WU.
To alleviate the hugeness of this edition I am splitting it into 2
parts. A warning: The articles in the second part are O.J. related.
If, like me, you have no desire to see that section then don't go past
the barrier marked "GOAL LINE". This will be the last of O.J. for the
WU. I will take _no_more_ O.J. submissions. I'm sorry, but I have to
draw the line at my sanity.
( Look for the duck reference in part 2. )
A big thanks: stavros@eden.com for putting together a new header and
footer for the WU. This is one of those things I've been meaning to do
for months. We'll start off with a little toast I was reminded of last
week during my Dallas fest' (change as appropriate for orientation):
Here's to the women we love, and here's to the women who love us...
but unfortunately the women we love are never the women who love us...
so fuck it! Here's to us!
*********************************************************************
This URL came my way from stavros@eden.com. We both agree that it's
an artistically very good carton, but it's SO big and SO color in-
tense that I say it's too slow. If you've got plenty of time (even at
T1 or T3 access speeds) then take a look.
ARGON ZARK! (digital cartoon)
-----------
http://www.netaxs.com/~cparker/aztitle.html
*********************************************************************
[ The first humourous piece fron the week is ]
[ also from stavros@eden.com: ]
Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and Bob Packwood go to see the Wizard of Oz.
"I'd like a brain," said Clinton. And the Wizard grants him a brain.
"I'd really like to have a heart," says Gingrich.
"Very well, have a heart," said the Wizard. "And you, Senator, what
would you like?"
"Ummmmmm ...... is Dorothy around?"
*********************************************************************
[ From tankboy@eden.com ]
Albert Einstein Joke
Thought you would enjoy this. It was forwarded to me by a friend and
fellow salesperson:
Albert Einstein arrives at the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter says to him,
Mr.Einstein, we have been anxiously awaiting for you. Welcome to heaven."
So Einstein says, "OK, but do you mind if I check the place out for a
while?"
"Whatever you wish!" comes the reply, Albert begins to walk around. He
runs into this woman and asks, "Pardon me Ma'am, what is your I.Q.?"
The woman replies, "197". Then Albert says "Great ,I'll be back later to
discuss the origins of the universe with you". The woman simply nodded
in the affirmative.
After a short while he encounters a man and asks, "Sir, what is your
I.Q.?". The man answers,"182". Albert retorts, "Very well , I'll return
and we can discuss nuclear physics".
Some time after the second encounter, Albert runs into another man and
he queries, "Excuse me my good man, what is your I.Q.?"
The man, puzzled, scratches his head and replies, "89".
Then Einstein says "Oh. How's sales?"
*********************************************************************
Celibate Anathema
http://underground.net/Art/celibate.html
I finally found a site that has computer generated art that I
think is original and well-executed. It's several collage style
pieces that seems to express alot about the computer as an Art
tool while each piece has a seperate intended subject. After
viewing the site, I wrote the artist and received this reply:
From elvision@earthlink.net Fri Oct 6 15:18:13 1995
I'm in the middle of moving my sites now that the
underground.net is going under. I guess you can list
http://198.147.118.185 as the main url. For the Crime
Archives the main url is http://198.147.118.185/Crime
Eventually, when I can get approval from internic, the
main url will be http://www.mayhem.net. I'll let you
know when it comes in.
Take care,
antonio
elvision@earthlink.net
*********************************************************************
[ From the KMC, Kelly.McCollum@chronicle.page1.com, comes ]
[ "The Morph must be stopped!" and I agree. I offer $50 ]
[ to the person who asassinates the Morph (not the Pope). ]
http://www.catholic.net/RCC/Morph/StPeter_Pope/pope.html
*********************************************************************
[ Who brought you the URL for SNick?, School House Rock? ]
[ That's right - ME! Now, I regress even further and ]
[ present (with the help of KMc) two URLS from the days ]
[ when you first learned to use the 'clicker'. ]
ZOOM! featuring the ?new and imoroved? Zoom!
http://www.wgbh.org:80/Pages/ZOOM/ZOOMHome.html
Sesame Street featuring the Pinball Song!
http://weber.u.washington.edu/~lavigne/ss.html
*********************************************************************
The Troy McClure Worship Page!
[ Calm down. It's not quite as cool as you'd think, ]
[ but it's a good reference site for the best damn ]
[ t.v. personality in Springfield. ]
http://www.rit.edu/~cjl1782/troy/
*********************************************************************
I found this site long ago, but lost it until today. This is one
of the funniest (and cruelest) literary sites on the Web -- you
MUST visit it:
The
Loser
Living
Upstairs
http://www.calpoly.edu/~ttokuuke/loser.html
*********************************************************************
[ From our gamblin' accountant, Son o' Project Man ]
[Jhathorn@shreveport.promus.com, comes a review of ]
[ that now infamous movie, "Showgirls", titled: ]
Elizabeth's Day in Acting School
And I do mean day! What happened to [ the little ] acting ability
she had while on Saved by the Bell?! But we'll get to that in a bit.
This weekend proved to be an entertainment extravaganza as I took in three
movies and got to see Trout Fishing in America. Life was good.
Seven
There are seven deadly sins. And there are probably seven million ways to
die of which Shirley McClain has personally experienced half of these. But
of the murders in Seven, these are definitely seven ways that I don't wish
to experience.
The story opens with Lt. William Somerset (Morgan Freeman) being paired with
a new partner, Det. David Mills (Brad Pitt). Somerset is seven days away
from retirement and he gets Mills as his new partner. Their relationship is
tense at first with Mills constantly reminding Somerset that he has worked
homicide before and should not be treated like a rookie. Somerset is a
veteran cop who has seen it all, is tired of it and wants nothing more than
to move out of the city. The murders begin to occur and Somerset is the
first to recognize the killer's pattern. At first the two detectives work
independently on the murders, but are brought closer together after Somerset
is invited to dinner by Mills wife, Tracy (Gwyneth Paltrow), who wants
nothing more than to move out of the city. A bond is felt between all and
tension between the two detectives is relieved. Now, the race to find the
killer is on.
The intensity of the movie is one of its greatest assets. The constant rain
and dim lights in the film add to chilling effect when another victim is
found, another clue is discovered, and even when possible suspects are
encountered or apprehended. All of these elements added to create the chills
I personally felt . . . when leaving the theater after the movie was over!
Rating - Full Price. At least. This is definitely one of the best cop/killer
movies I've seen in a while.
[ I saw this recently, too. I vote Opening Night, even though you ]
[ missed it. "Silence of the Lambs" is for Grandmothers. This is ]
[ some scary shit. Don't see it at night, trust me! ]
[ Also, let me insert here that the cool song you've been hearing ]
[ in the Strange Days trailer is from Skunk Anansie. It's called ]
[ "Selling Jesus" and this band "rocks" - thanks, Beavis. ]
Showgirls
Ah yes - the dreaded NC-17. A sure fire curse before and it could be the
same thing if you try to make a movie just to make it NC-17. Showgirls just
about fell in that canyon.
The movie revolves around Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkley) and her attempts
to become a dancer in Vegas. And as I stated before - what the hell happened
to what little acting she had??!!!! The first half of the movie she yells
most of her lines as if she suddenly remembered them in a burst of
knowledge. I thought about making a lot of blonde jokes, but you can go see
the movie and do that for yourself. Once the story seems to settle down,
even though Nomi doesn't, it is actually a fairly decent one. It gives a
look into the world of the Las Vegas showgirl, from how the auditions are
conducted to how lead dancer is treated in comparison to the rest. It also
offers a good look at the relationships between the dancers and how even if
you are somewhat friends, you are still rivals in the end. Just because
you've had more classes or experience doesn't necessarily mean you're going
to get the job. The dancing world can become a downright nasty place when
competing for a spot.
The supporting cast of Gina Gershon and Kyle MacLachlan is excellent and
half-way through the movie Elizabeth does regain some of her acting ability.
She manages to make it through several scenes without yelling, taking off
her clothes, of becoming just plain psychotic. Gina, who portrays Cristal,
the lead dancer the Stardust's current production, is excellent at being a
bitch. She is manipulative and because she is the lead, she generally gets
what she wants. Kyle (Damn that's good coffee) is good but I figure he must
have need money or he wanted to see naked girls everyday of his working on
this film.
Rating - Matinee to Dollar Cinema. You decide. Or you can take the advice of
my good friend Trey Laborde - He wanted to see this movie to try and figure
out what made Elizabeth suddenly decide to just strip off all that clothing.
The jury's still out on that one.
Devil in a Blue Dress
The final flick of the weekend is an excellent film. It contains all the
elements of a good mystery/drama. Denzel Washington is Easy Rawlins. Easy is
a WWII vet who owns his own house and is worried about being able to pay the
mortgage due to an unjust layoff. You immediately feel his need for a job
and would probably give him one if you could. A shady character by the name
of Albright (Tom Sizemore) enters the scene and offers easy a job as a
private eye. Even though Easy is suspicious of Albright, he needs the money
so he takes the job. He has to find a mysterious woman named Daphne Monet.
And she is trouble from the start. The harder Easy tries to push to find
Daphne the deeper he gets and more twists of the plot begin to take place.
The movie has an excellent story, characters, and music. Just as it seemed
to me that the music in Pulp Fiction matched the scenes perfectly, the same
applies to Devil in a Blue Dress. You are drawn in from the start and you
feel for the characters.
Rating - Full Price. Excellent Performances. Excellent Film. And I watch out
for women like Daphne - no matter what color dress.
*********************************************************************
[ From SquidMan, kmembry@internetMCI.com ]
on www.tucows.com is a program called Tardis
(made for 95, there's also a 3.1 and NT version)
When you dialup to your ppp, you run tardis and it goes out to 1 of 2
sites (you might be able to put in more) and synchs your system clock
with the naval observatory one or the other. Pretty nifty.
*********************************************************************
[ Looking for a good investment? I'm not but for some reason I ]
[ keep getting this message which isn't from anyone I know and ]
[ it's not addressed to me, so I'll pass it on to you. Enjoy! ]
From: wilbur@unisun.netamerica.com
To: brett@seanet.com
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/
_/ _/ _/_/ _/ _/ _/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/
_/_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/_/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/
_/ _/ _/ _/_/ _/ _/
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/
BNB GROUP
Here's the info on that Canadian investment:
Name: Keylock Resources Inc.
Stock Symbol: KL on the Alberta Exchange
Trading Price: $0.25 to $0.27 (US Dollars)
Trading Activity: Increasing daily
Keylock is a gold and mineral exploration company with oil and gas cashflow.
You can get more info at:
http://www.billingtons.com/KL.html
We suggest that you examine it closely.
Wilbur
[ Thanks, Wilbur! ]
*********************************************************************
[ You remember my review of Monte Carlo last week? ]
[ (just nod and smile) well the creator of M&C, ]
[ binkey@umich.edu, sent me this: ]
Finally! This goes out to all of you who have at one point or
another taken a small peek at the...
MONTE CARLO AND THE JUGGERNAUTS! site
http://www.umich.edu/~umsoais/isweb/people/dcm/
Be sure to check out site version 2.0 and the latest
animation...
MONTE CARLO vs. HELL
enjoy!
Steven J. Glowicki
*********************************************************************
Hi,
I saw your email address on a web page and thought you might be
able to help us. We're looking for on-line pioneers to help us
capture a global portrait of life in the new, digital renaissance.
On 10/10 the Media Lab is hosting "A Day in the Life of Cyberspace."
We are trying to find people whose lives have been touched deeply
by digital media and the Net:
- kids, teachers, families, newlyweds, pets on the Web;
- people in war-torn areas like Bosnia or Tibet
who can stay in touch with humanity because of the Net;
- the youngest and oldest users
- people in every country on earth,
- astronauts in orbit (we will link to the
space shuttle on 10/10 if the launch proceeds)
- ....
For instance, my Aunt Min is 80 and has her checkup every month by
holding a telephone to her chest: the remote computer diagnoses
her pacemaker! Or, during the riots in Tiananmen Square, real news
reached the outside world first through e-mail networks. The Pope's
mass on 10/8 will be "cybercast" into the Web.
If you can help contribute to this, by sending pictures, sounds,
or words, or if you know someone who might, please browse
http://www.1010.org/.
You can also send mail to info@1010.org for an automatic help
response (Tell it: "send description" for a longer explanation).
By the way, keep watching the web site for daily changes--with real
surprises on the 10th!
Please help spread the word!
Thanks,
...Steve...
*********************************************************************
[ This is a riot! Thanks to KMc, kelly.mccollum@chronicle.com! ]
I don't know much about Sartre, but I know this is pretty darn
funny. Read it in the depressed-french-philosopher voice.
The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook
We have been lucky to discover several previously lost diaries
of French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre stuck in between the
cushions of our office sofa. These diaries reveal a young
Sartre obsessed not with the void, but with food. Apparently
Sartre, before discovering philosophy, had hoped to write "a
cookbook that will put to rest all notions of flavor forever."
The diaries are excerpted here for your perusal.
October 3
Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook. Though he has never
actually eaten, he gave me much encouragement. I rushed home
immediately to begin work. How excited I am! I have begun my
formula for a Denver omelet.
October 4
Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling
blocks. I keep creating omelets one after another, like
soldiers marching into the sea, but each one seems empty,
hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet that expresses
the meaninglessness of existence, and instead they taste like
cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look
back.
Tried eating them with the lights off. It did not help.
Malraux suggested paprika.
October 6
I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and
cheese) is bourgeois. Today I tried making one out of
cigarette, some coffee, and four tiny stones. I fed it to
Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but my journey is still
long.
October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of
traditional dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I
feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:
Tuna Casserole
-Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
-Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing
the oven and sit in it forever.
-Think about how hungry you are.
-When night falls, do not turn on the light.
While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its
inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater
recognize that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not
some other dish? I am becoming more and more frustated.
October 25
I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an
entire cookbook. Rather, I now seek a single recipe which
will, by itself, embody the plight of man in a world ruled by
an unfeeling God, as well as providing the eater with at least
one ingredient from each of the four basic food groups. To
this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of foodstuffs from
the corner grocery and locked myself in the kitchen, refusing
to admit anyone. After several weeks of work, I produced a
recipe calling for two eggs, half a cup of flour, four tons of
beef, and a leek. While this is a start, I am afraid I still
have much work ahead.
November 15
Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of
cherries and a live beaver, challenging the very definition of
the word cake. I was very pleased. Malraux said he admired
it greatly, but could not stay for dessert. Still, I feel
that this may be my most profound achievement yet, and have
resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.
November 30
Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as
I had hoped. During the judging, the beaver became agitated
and bit Betty Crocker on the wrist. The beaver's powerful
jaws are capable of felling blue spruce in less than ten
minutes and proved, needless to say, more than a match for the
tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I only got
third place. Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty
lawsuit.
December 1
I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months,
and I am now experiencing light tides. It is stupid to be so
fat. My pain and ultimate
solitude are still as authentic as they were when I was thin,
but seem to impress girls far less. From now on, I will live
on cigarettes and black coffee.
*********************************************************************
[ more from stavros@eden.com. If you missed the Windows '95 ]
[ infomercial, you can get a copy at your local video store ]
[ or just wait for it to re-run. ]
Clip from Wired (online)
While a Windows 95 drinking game sounds like fun at first, we have our
reservations. After all, it's when one is in such an inebriated state
that one might consider buying the bloody thing.
Summary: Sit back and liquor up to bill's attempt at world domination.
Yes it's the long awaited Drinking Game 95. To be used while enjoying
the "Windows 95 Infomercial" coming up this Monday (check local
listings for time and channel). Gather together some good friends,
curl up next to the tv, and call up this posting on your Mac, OS/2,
or UNIX machine.
enjoy!
p.s. special thanks to anna, alx, mike, and all the taylor.org crew.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill Gates Microsoft Windows 95 infomercial drinking game Beta version.
-- Drink once --
- Everytime a cute ethnic child is shown being more productive through the
use of Win 95.
- A "new" feature of Win 95 is shown that has been implemented in the Mac
OS, OS/2, or third party extensions for years.
- Someone makes a reference to Bill's money or success.
- The word "virtual" is used.
- Microsoft new computer network is refered to as MSN.
- When "Joe/Jane Q. Computer User's" computing concerns are solved by Win 95.
- A 1-800 number is displayed.
- Whenever "plug and play" is used.
- A reference to how "easy it is" is made.
- An old person is shown using the computer.
- The computer speaks directly to the camera.
- A spokesman from the Computer industry praises Win 95.
- The word "upgrade" is used.
-- Drink twice --
- When a crappy feature/bug of Win 3.1 has been fixed by Win 95.
- Some politically correct/assinie icon/metaphore is used for a standard
function (i.e. "recycle bin")
- Someone "doesn't understand" a feature, and needs it explained in detail.
- Plug and play is refered to as "p&p."
- Any time Anthony Edwards (the host) says the words "World Wide Web."
- Large, bloated, yet obsolete mega-corporations, toady up to Bill in the
hope that some of his sucess will rub off.
- Anyone makes a medical joke to Anthony Edwards.
- Any time the phrase "Now is the time..." is used.
- A person is shown meeting some "Sandra Bullockesque" love interest
through MSN.
- A feature of MSN duplicates an existing internet service.
- The 'net is refered to as the "Information Superhighway."
- You are invited to publish your own Web page.
- You are remined that Win 95 will allow you to attempt any of the
following trivial tasks: Balencing home checkbook/budget, college
term paper, manage your stock portfolio, order flowers or a pizza,
play games, email your grandmother, make plane reservations, 'chat'
online, medical imaging, research dinosaurs, download porn, play
"global thermonuclear war," or open the pod bay doors.
-- Drink thrice --
- Bill makes reference to his wealth and/or sucess.
- A crappy feature/bug from Win 3.1 continues on into Win 95.
- Any reference to "screw-up."
- A reference to "You've been waiting a long time, but now here it is..."
- Win 95 crashes the demonstration computer.
- A competetor's product is shown.
- They tell you that this is "the last operating system you'll ever need."
- Bill breaks down, turns to the camera and say "Easy is not better!"
-- Drain it --
- A "new" feature intoduced in Win 95 is totally original, never before
implemented in Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions.
- An animated version of Anthony Edwards or Bill Gates appears.
- Anthony Edwards remarks offhandedly "You ever notice how much Windows
looks like the Macintosh operating system?" Drain another if Bill
answers, "Nah, we swiped it from Xerox."
- An explaination to why Win 95 was released a scant few months before '96.
- Canter & Seigal spam MSN with adds for their latest book before the end
of the program.
- Bill apologizes for his monopolistic business strategy, crappy software,
and cult of personality. Hands rights over to Linus Torvalds.
- Charlie Chaplian "spokesman" from the IBM campaign shows up.
taylor@taylor.org
*********************************************************************
[ I'm sticking these at the very end to show that they ]
[ aren't exactly what I think is cool. As a matter of ]
[ the second one is completely un-cool IMHO -- more on ]
[ each URL as we get to it. ]
[ First from stavros@eden.com: ]
Miss Internet
-------------
http://www.webvote.com
[ Screw the Miss America bathing suit contreversy! ]
[ Talk about poor taste and extreme misogony (I'm glad ]
[ I don't know how to spell it). Cheap painted women ]
[ show off their assets for you drooling pleasure. ]
[ and from kmembry@internetMCI.com: ]
http://www.resistance.com
Resistance Records. My brother said he saw this one on CNN or
something (because they are a White Supremesist group)
According to the news, these kinds of sites are big on the web because
anyone can get their anonymous accounts (AOL's millions of free
browsers mailed in just about everything you buy is a good example)
I'm not supporting the above URL, just showing that shit like this is
out there.
[ It's a shame that really good hardcore music is al- ]
[ most always paired with Hate politics. If Ian McKaye]
[ were dead he'd be rolling in his grave. If this mu- ]
[ sic is what you want, get some old Minor Threat or ]
[ Black Flag albums. ]