The Third Star to the Right - Liver-Liver Land
For Halloween Weekend on 6th street (which is quite similar to
Mardi Gras in New Orleans without as much crime) I became "the
TaTOONed Man"! I put many cartoon tatoos on my face and fore-
arms. Here's a hint: remove "temporary" tatoos as soon as
possible. I spent a long time Sunday scrubbing with alcohol,
soap, baby oil, and water...ouch...!and all you lame-o's who
couldn't be bothered to dress up: "Thhhhppppbbbttt!!!! to you!"
I am more than a little ashamed to say that I imitated KMc and
Son'o on Saturday night. In the spirit of the upcoming holiday
(my favorite holiday, BTW), I did not keep good track of what I
was drinking or how much I was drinking. After 5 liquors (Tequila,
Vodka, Burbon, Diesel, Rum) and 8 drinks (4 of which were shots)
I was praying to the porcelain god. If you get the goods on me,
there are vicious rumors that I'm loud and that I knock down
shower curtains when I'm overly drunk -- the rumors are not true.
{speaking as one of the people who went out with the tatTOONed man
and the person who drove him home, let him sleep on her sofa and found
the shower curtain on backwards the next morning...LONG LIVE THE RUMORS!!!
- betc of "steve -n- betc"}
The HSO (http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/hso) show at "Hole in the Wall"
was great fun (as expected) and I'm glad to announce that Austinites
will have one more chance to see them on December 8th when they open
for the FuckEmos at Emo's.
*********************************************************************
[ From KMc (Kelly.McCollum@chronicle.page1.com): ]
Start a CIA security file in just minutes!
Here's a bonafide weekend adventure for you. I'll keep this
short since it shouldn't take longer to read about it than it
took to do it.
BT was in town this weekend, so in a quest for trouble, we
picked up Zach and headed for CIA headquarters in McLean
Virginia. We turned in to the complex and drove into the lot
marked "non-agency personnel and visitors" and drove up to the
intercom box (the one with two bright lights, a video camera
and, we think, a hidden 50 mm cannon).
SPOOK: What do you want?
BT: Hi! Do you have public tours?
SPOOK: No we do not. Drive to the gate and leave the way you
came.
We complied.
*********************************************************************
"Powder" Review
Matinee...and a half.
This movie has a great awe factor in it's special effects and the
sensitive politically correct themes it spews to the audience. It
has a fine set of actors and actresses. What it didn't have was a
contiguous storyline. My roomie (teo@eden.com) and I discussed the
fact that foreign movies seem to be able to have slow scenes and
fully carry out a story line without boring the audience (see "The
Madness of King George", or "Heavenly Creatures"). American movies
either bore you or cut out the boring sections leaving a story that
doesn't feel complete. Still, "Powder"'s a damn fine American movie,
so, go see it.
Oh -- There are a few grains of salt you need to take with this movie --
if you want to avoid a possible spoiler then you can skip the rest of
this article, otherwise:
* If you're a big NRA/huntin' type (like my dad), there's an anti-
hunting message. Get over it, the free exchange of ideas is what having
sentience is about.
* You've maybe seen the media hype about the director being a convicted
child molester. IMHO: He's served his time and was deemed reformed so
don't try to read more into the movie than there is. You'll be really
tempted, but after contemplation you'll be able to see beyond the di-
rector's negative past.
*********************************************************************
[ From betc of "steve -n- betc" -- stavros@eden.com's s.o. ]
"Strange Days" review (the bathroom reading version)
Ok so I know that most of you have already seen this movie, and it's not
playing in very many theatre's anymore BUT I am the original procrastanator
and STEVE MADE ME DO IT!!!!! I just wanted everyone to know that it was
a pretty decent movie, not a pretty glimse of the not too distant future,
but at least worth matinee (plus large coke, large popcorn and some candy!)
I did have a little problem with the EXTREMEness of the ratial tension but
it made it's point. Well that was the bathroom version of my review.
(By the way, JOHNNY, the weepy wonder does would rather be called by her
correct title of Better Half or BlackEntertainmentTelevionChannel at least...
that's BETC to you out the the loop ones :) I try not to answer to SO of
Steve/Stas but for you I'll pretend I do)
*********************************************************************
[ From Son'o (Jhathorn@shreveport.promus.com): ]
Not much to report from ground zero. I did go see Deep Blue Something in
concert and they were excellent. They played most of their songs from their
release _Home_, and a couple of new ones. Definitely check them out live if
you get a chance. And if you haven't checked Deep Blue Something's _Home_,
by all means, do so.
Son o'
[ I would have seen them here last week, but I ]
[ just could'nt hear "Breakfast at Tiffany's" ]
[ again without wanting to kill people. ]
*********************************************************************
Since this 'zine tends to be populated with college folks and
computer geeks, I belive I should do like any good media and
play to the demographic. So here's a review of the latest in
VENDING MACHINE CONSUMUBILES!!!!
I trekked my way to the nearest vending machine in my office
complex (which is conveniently located about as far away from
my office as you can get and still stay in the building) and
there I saw it: Doritos' Nacho Cheesier Sandwich Crackers.
So, of course, being the consumer fanatic that I am -- I can't
even go into grocery stores any more because I buy _anything_
that says "NEW" on it -- I purchased a package and here's what
I think: just like the other cheese-stuff sandwich crackers
except it tastes like Nacho Cheese Doritos... you probably
could have guessed that, though.
...maybe I should take a class in hype....
*********************************************************************
[ From KMc, we can now check the (estimated) population. ]
[ This is your tax dollars at work here, people -- take ]
[ advantage of this valuable service! ]
http://www.census.gov/ipc-bin/popclockw
*********************************************************************
[ From the fish man (mbuna@eden.com) comes his latest sick ]
[ joke. (He must be getting material from tankboy@eden.com. ]
The receptionist at the lawyers office answers her phone, "Johnson and
Lewis, attorneys at law." "Let me speak with Mr. Johnson please," said
the caller, "I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson passed away in his sleep last
night," replied the receptionist. A few minutes later, she receives
another call from what sounds like the same caller. "May I speak with
Mr. Johnson please?" I'm sorry, sir, but Mr. Johnson died in his sleep
last night." When the phone rings for the third time, the receptionist
hears the same voice. "May I speak with Mr. Johnson please?" "Sir, I
don't know what you're up to, but I recognize your voice and I've
already told you twice that Mr. Johnson died in his sleep last night!"
snapped the receptionist. "I know, I'm sorry, I can't help myself,"
said the caller, "I just love hearing you say it over and over again."
*********************************************************************
[ From "Coquette", the ever un-wired comes an addition to ]
[ one of my favorite Net Fluff pieces. Remember "100 ways ]
[ to Confuse Your Roomate?" (No? then take a look at ]
[ http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/fluff/roomie.html.) Here's ]
[ 30 more! ]
1. Make brown-bag lunches for your roommate every morning. Give them
to him/her before he/she goes to class.
2. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far,
and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes.
Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead
of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say,
"It's not funny anymore."
3. Read with a flashlight when the lights are on. Pretend to read
without one when the lights are out, remarking every so often how
great the book is.
4. Get a surfboard. Put it on your bed. Stand on it, and pretend to
surf for about fifteen minutes. Then, pretend to "wipe out," and
fall off the bed onto the floor. Pretend you are drowning until
your roommate comes over to "rescue" you.
5. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make milkshakes every
day. Then, one day, get rid of the hamster. Make a shake using a
lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the shake,
look at the empty cage, and tell your roommate, "I was curious."
6. Make toast for breakfast every morning, but don't plug the toaster
in. Eat the plain bread, looking at the toaster angrily, and
complain that the toaster doesn't know what it's doing. If your
roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a tangent about fire-safety
hazards.
7. Pack up all of your things and tell your roommate that you're going
away to "find yourself." Leave, and come back in about ten
minutes. If your roommate asks, explain that you're not a hard
man (or woman!) to find.
8. Never speak to your roommate directly. If you need to ask or tell
him/her something, go to another room and call him/her on the
phone.
9. Every night, before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass of
water. When he/she brings it, dump it on the floor and immediately
go to sleep. If he/she ever refuses to bring you a glass of water,
lie on the bed and pretend to be dying of dehydration, making
annoying gagging sounds, until he/she does so.
10. Every time the phone rings, turn on the stereo at full volume and
begin to violently slam-dance with your roommate. If he/she asks
about it, say, "Oh, that damn hypnotist...."
11. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it.
Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, "How nice to see
you again."
12. Get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping beans." Eat them, and
then jump around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them,
"Dancing beans." Eat them, and then dance around the room.
Get another can of beans. Label them, "Kill Your
Roommate beans." Eat them, smiling at your roommate.
13. Every time your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, and then
wake him/her up and say, "It's time to go to bed now."
14. Insist that your roommate recite the "Pledge Of Allegiance" with
you every morning.
Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time. Eventually, think up
melodies for the words and sing them, loudly, directly to your
roommate. If he/she tells you to stop, act offended and spend the
day in bed.
16. Put up traffic signs around the room. If your roommate doesn't
obey them, give him/her tickets. Confiscate something your
roommate owns until he/she pays the tickets.
17. Walk, talk, and dress like a cowboy at all times. If your
roommate inquires, tell him/her, "Don't worry little buckaroo.
You'll be safe with me."
18. Complain that your elbows, knees, and other joints have been
bothering you. Get a screwdriver, and pretend to "fix" them.
19. Paint abstract paintings, and title them things like, "Roommate
Dying in a Car Crash," and "Roommate Getting Whacked in the Head
with a Shovel." Comment often about how much you love the
paintings.
20. Wear glasses, and complain that you can never see anything. Bump
into walls and doors. Put your clothes on backwards. Say, "Who's
that?" every time your roommate enters the room. When you're not
wearing the glasses, act like you can see fine.
21. Buy a lava lamp. Stare at it for hours, imitating its movements
with your face. Explain to your roommate that you have
established a connection with the spirit world through the lava
lamp.
Tell your roommate that "Grandma said hi."
22. Keep empty jars on the shelf. Tell your roommate that this is
your collection of "inert gases." Look at them often. One
day, act surprised and angered, and accuse your
roommate of having released one of the gases.
Cover your nose and mouth and run out of the room.
23. Wear scary Halloween masks. Look in the mirror and scream
hysterically for about five minutes every time you put one on.
24. Rollerskate up and down the hallway. Every time you see your
roommate, crash into him/her and knock him/her down. Apologize,
and say that he/she looked like "the enemy."
25. Put headphones on your roommate while he/she is sleeping, and
subliminally teach him/her to speak Spanish, play the trombone,
and memorize all the major imports and exports of each African
nation.
26. Stick your head out the window, but forget to open it, so that you
head crashes through the glass. Then say, "Silly me," open the
window again, and try to stick your head through. Act like you
hit your head on something.
27. Dress like a military officer. Insist that your roommate salute
you upon sight. If he/she refuses, insist that he/she do 100
push-ups. Keep saying things like, "Your momma isn't here to take
care of you any more."
28. Keep a collection of teeth in a jar. Act excited whenever you add
to it, and say things like, "In a little while I'll have enough
for that sailboat."
29. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit
into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your
roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
30. Spread toothpicks all over the floor. Stare at them, acting like
you're trying to read something. Tell your roommate it's a
message from God, but you're not sure whether it's a warning
about a loved one in danger or a recipe for really great
chili.
*********************************************************************
[ From stavros@eden.com. Heard of New York? Heard ]
[ New York? Well, now you can. A web site dedica- ]
[ ted to the sounds of the big apple. ]
[ ]
[ Now I believe that anything you can imagine is on ]
[ the web. ]
TOTAL: Sound Database
http://totalny.com/city/sounds/
*********************************************************************
[ the good doctor (doctord@beta.centenary.com) and one of ]
[ his friends (mca0219@aol.com) have their own 'zine and ]
[ now it's been webbed. Use the URL below to find it. ]
[ ]
[ It's not the best laid out, or best edited 'zine, but ]
[ it is fresh. Funniest piece from Dead Fish: ]
[ _poetry_corner_ ]
[ darkness ]
[ it surrounds me ]
[ overcomes me ]
[ eats me alive ]
[ oooohhh, full house is on ]
http://home.aol.com/mca0319
that's zero-three-one-nine...not oh-three-one-nine.
This will take you to my info page and my info page will connect to my real
page. I am also in the process of making another page for the Dead Fish
online magazine which you can check out through my web page. Just click on
Dead Fish. Enjoy.
[ The journey is half the fun of getting there, but the ]
[ 'zine can actually be found at : ]
http://users.aol.com/highrlogic/deadfish.htm
*********************************************************************
[ I got this from several people this week, but the good ]
[ doctor was the first, so he gets the credit (sorry kris, ]
[ curt, "coquette", etc., etc.). ]
[ ]
[ I'm not sure if I believe this story, but it's certainly ]
[ destined to become net.urban-legend. If you want more ]
[ of these kinds of stories try any of the alt.folklore.?? ]
[ newsgroups, look for their websites, or I have a little ]
[ collection of e-mails that seem to be passed around the ]
[ 'net a lot, look at http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/fluff. ]
Okay kids, here's the story that tops them all.
If any of you guys out there have ever thought you have balls, forget
about it. This is a true story that just happened at a wedding at Clemson.
A buddy of mine from my baseball team knows a guy that was at the wedding.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the
reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the
crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to
thank the bride's and best man's families for coming.
To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he
wanted to give everyone a gift from him. So taped to the bottom of
everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to
everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex
with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the two of them and
hired a private detective to trail them.) After he stood there and watched
people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and
said Fuck You, he turned to the bride and said Fuck You, and then said "I'm
out of here."
He got the marriage annulled the next day.
While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we found out
about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway. His revenge: making
the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding and reception, letting
everyone know exactly what did happen, and trashing the bride's and best
man's reputations in front of friends, family, grandparents, etc.
This is his world, we just live in it.
*********************************************************************
[ From kmembry@internetMCI.com comes this little relationship ]
[ saving site...or it could be used counter-constructively... ]
[ not that I ever mentioned it. ]
http://www.nando.net/toys/cyrano.html
The Cyrano Server
Can't write that steamy love letter to your woobie? Let Cyrano do
it for ya!
*********************************************************************
Need new checks? Try Rosencrantz & Guildensturn. They have Grateful
Dead checks, Vulture checks, and more.
http://rosencrantz.com/
*********************************************************************
[ From kmembry@internetMCI.com comes a site that everyone ]
[ should peruse. "The Condom Shop" hits the web with an ]
[ all-encompassing on-line catalog and a few PSAs that ]
[ IMHO should be required reading. ]
http://geewiz.com/
*********************************************************************
[ I am one of the biggest advocates of "Real Beer". I used to ]
[ detest beer with a passion. No Wonder! All I knew about was ]
[ Bud and Lite. Now that I've been enlightened to the wonders ]
[ of brews like Shiner Bock, Red Granite, and (I'll even admit ]
[ it) Pearl, I know better. ]
[ ]
[ Here's a site that covers everything that needs to be covered ]
[ about beer including the all-important "burp". ]
http://realbeer.com/
[ ...and here's a drinking game from the site. ]
Asshole
This is a slightly complex game, but very, very fun when mastered.
This game requires a minimum of 5 people to play. High boot factor.
The first hand of asshole is the establishing hand. This will decide
who is the President, V-Pres, Normal People, and the Asshole for the
next round.
Approximately 6 or 7 cards are dealt to each player, depending on the
number playing this can be higher or lower. The rank of the cards is
as follows (most powerful to least powerful) 2, A, K, Q, ... 4, and 3.
Some is chosen to go first and they play a card, the next person has
two options:
1. ) to play a card higher than (but not the same) as the previous
card.
2. ) or to pass on that turn.
For example, if a 4 is lead, a next player must play HIGHER than a 4,
the the next player has to play higher than that. A new hand starts
when all players pass, or when someone plays a 2 (the most powerful
card). The last person to play a card, leads the next hand.
This proceeds until all players are rid of their cards. The first
player out of cards is the Pres for the next round, the next out
becomes the VP, the next players out are normal, and the last person
out is the Asshole.
However lets say that the person leading has two 5's, this person may
play them both, then the next player must play two of the same card
HIGHER than five; this player cannot play one card or three cards,
only two. As well, three, or even four, of the same card may be lead.
The only time a player may lay one card in a situation like this is if
it is a two (the power card); a single two, beats everything, and the
hand ends followed by a new lead.
The roles for each player are as follows:
* President: can make any player drink at any time, no-one may make
the President drink but self. The Pres is the first player to
start each round (benefits of power). And the Pres should never
have to refill own beer.
* Vice Pres: can make any player drink at any time (except Pres),
the only the Pres or self can make the VP drink. The VP goes
second in each round.
* Normal People: These players can make each other drink as well as
the Asshole. They play in the order they finished the previous
round; first normal out follows the VP, second normal out follows
first, etc.
* Asshole: for many reasons, this player is truly the Asshole. This
player has to do all dealing of cards, all sweeping of cards
after the hands, and can not make any other player drink. The
asshole plays last in each round.
A few recommendations, at the end of each round, the players should
move seats in order to reflect the hierarchy, and proper playing
order. Play your lowest cards first. Abuse the power when Pres or VP,
but remember it will always come back to haunt you, especially when
abusing the Asshole.
Play as many rounds as desired.
*********************************************************************
[ And I finish this week's WU with an article from one of ]
[ the best taboo breaking magazines ever written. If you ]
[ want to see where this linked from, search for cynsa in ]
[ yahoo and go to "The Butt Page". ]
[ ...and this is absolutely true... ]
http://www.infobahn.com/pages/pujol.html
"Joseph Pujol, the Fartiste"
Sample chapter from The RE/Search Guide to Bodily Fluids
by Paul Spinrad
One summer's day in the mid-1860's, a young French boy named Joseph
Pujol had a frightening experience at the seashore. Swimming out
alone, he held his breath and dove underwater. Suddenly an icy cold
feeling penetrated his gut. Frightened, he ran ashore, but then
received a second shock when he noticed seawater streaming from his
anus. The experience so disturbed the lad that his mother took him
to a doctor to allay his fears. The doctor complied.
The boy didn't know it at the time, but this unsettling rectal
experience at the beach not only indicated no illness, but it also
foretold of a gift that would later make him the toast of Paris and
one of the most popular and successful performers of his generation.
Joseph Pujol was born in Marseilles on June 1, 1857 to Francois
Pujol and Rose Demaury, a respected stonemason/sculptor and his
wife, both of whom had emigrated from Catalan. Young Joseph went to
school until the age of 13, whereupon he apprenticed himself to a
baker. Several years later, he served in the French army.
While in the army, he mentioned his childhood sea-bathing experience
to his buddies. They immediately wanted to know if he could do it
again, so on a day's leave soon afterward he went out to the shore
to swim and experiment. He successfully reenacted the hydraulics of
his childhood experience there and even discovered that by
contracting his abdomen muscles, he could intentionally take up as
much water as he liked and eject it in a powerful stream.
Demonstrating this ability back at the barracks later provided the
soldiers with no end of amusement, and soon Pujol started to
practice with air instead of water, giving him the ability to
produce a variety of sounds. This new development provided even more
enjoyment for his buddies. It was then and there, in the army, that
Pujol invented a nickname for himself that would later become a
stage name synonymous throughout Europe with helpless, hysterical
laughter: "Le Petomane" (translation: "The Fartiste").
After his stint in the army, Pujol returned to Marseille and to a
bakeshop his father set him up in, on a street that, today, proudly
bears the name "rue Pujol." At the age of 26 he married Elizabeth
Henriette Oliver, the 20-year-old daughter of a local butcher. Pujol
enjoyed performing, so in the evenings he entertained at local music
halls by singing, doing comedy routines, and even playing his
trombone backstage between numbers. He continued amusing his friends
privately with his "other" wind instrument, but only at their
suggestion and urging did he decide to turn this parlor trick into a
full-fledged act for public audiences.
Pujol worked up a Le Petomane routine, and with some friends he
rented a space in Marseille to perform it in. They promoted the show
heavily themselves through posters and handouts, but word-of-mouth
soon took over and they packed the house every night. Fin de siecle
European audiences, deeply repressed but newly prosperous and trying
to be modern"-- the same people Freud observed (Freud was one year
older than Pujol)-- must have found a man on stage building an
entire act out of mock farting and other forms of anal play
considerably more shockingly funny than we would today. Pujol's was
a good act by any era's standards, but back then his scatology hit a
raw nerve, and hit it hard, at an especially vulnerable time. Like
Alfred Jarry, whose epoch-makingly scatological Ubu Roi actually
post-dates Pujol's Paris debut by several years, Pujol was a French
Revolutionary of the modern theater. Jarry gets the credit today
because he was a "serious playwright" and not a lowbrow cabaret
performer, but Pujol clearly laid some of the groundwork.
Word-of-mouth spread reports of the quality and uniqueness of
Pujol's new show, and soon people from all over Marseille were
coming to see it.
After the hometown success, Pujol's friends urged him to take the
act to Paris. Pujol hoped to, but cautiously decided to play several
other provincial cities first to refine the act and test the breadth
of its appeal before taking it to the capital. He performed in
Toulon, Bordeaux, and Clermont-Ferrand with great success, and in
1892 was finally ready to try his act at Paris's Moulin Rouge. It
was then that Pujol reputedly uttered a line oft-repeated in cabaret
lore; looking up at the windmill sails of the landmark Moulin Rouge
("Red Mill") building, he exclaimed, "The sails of the Moulin
Rouge-- what a marvelous fan for my act!"
In getting booked at the Moulin Rouge, Pujol wasted no time. He
walked in and demanded to see the director with such confidence that
the secretary showed him in immediately. He then told the director,
a man named either Zidler or Oller depending on whose account you
follow (I'll use "Oller"), "I am Le Petomane, and I want an
engagement in your establishment." He said that he was a phenomenon
and that his gift would be the talk of Paris. When Oller asked for
an explanation, he calmly replied, "You see, sir, my anus is of such
elasticity that I can open and shut it at will. . . . I can absorb
any quantity of liquid I may be given. . .[and] I can expel an
almost infinite quantity of odorless gas." After this, he gave Oller
a quick demonstration.
Oller put Pujol on stage that very night.
Pujol dressed formally for his act, wearing a coat, red breeches,
white stockings, gloves, and patent leather shoes-- a stuffy,
old-fashioned outfit that, coupled with his unrelentingly deadpan
delivery, must have set up an abrasive comedic dissonance against
the actual content of his performance. To begin his act he
introduced himself and explained that he was about to demonstrate
the art of "petomanie." He further explained that he could break
wind at will, but assured his audience not to worry because his
parents had "ruined themselves" in scenting his rectum.
Then Le Petomane performed some imitations, using the simple, honest
format of announcing and then demonstrating. He displayed his wide
sonic range with tenor, baritone, and bass fart sounds. He imitated
the farts of a little girl, a mother-in-law, a bride on her wedding
night (tiny), the same bride the day after (loud), and a mason
(dry-- "no cement"). He imitated thunder, cannons ("Gunners stand by
your guns! Ready-- fire!!"), and even the sound of a dressmaker
tearing two yards of calico (a full 10-second rip). After the
imitations, Le Petomane popped backstage to put one end of a
yard-long rubber tube into his anus. He returned and smoked a
cigarette from this tube, after which he used it to play a couple of
tunes on a song flute. For his finale he removed the rubber tube,
blew out some of the gas-jet footlights from a safe distance away,
and then led the audience in a rousing sing- along.
This first night, a few tightly-corseted women in the audience
literally fainted from laughing so hard. Oller immediately gave
Pujol a contract to perform at the Moulin Rouge, elsewhere in
France, and abroad. Turning audience-fainting into a great gimmick,
Oller later conspicuously stationed white-uniformed nurses in the
hall at each Le Petomane show and instructed them to carry out any
audience members rendered particularly helpless by the hilarity.
Meanwhile, to quash any rumors that his performance was faked, Pujol
occasionally gave private men-only performances clad in a bathing
suit with a large hole in the seat rather than his concealing
regular costume.
It was after one of these private performances that a distinguished-
looking man put a 20 franc gold coin in the collection plate. When
Pujol questioned him, he turned out to be the King of Belgium, who
had come incognito just to see his act.
After signing up with the Moulin Rouge in 1892, Pujol moved his
growing family (starting in 1885, Pujol and his wife had a child
every two years for eighteen years) into a chalet staffed by
servants who soon became family friends. As he predicted, he became
the talk of Paris, and admirers saluted him affectionately as he
rode by in his carriage. Paris doctors examined him and published an
article in La Semaine Medicale that described his health but offered
no new explanation for his ability. It did however record that he
could rectally project a jet of water 4 to 5 yards. Box office
receipts alone attest to Le Petomane's popularity. One Sunday the
Moulin Rouge took in 20,000 francs for a Le Petomane performance, an
amount which dwarfs the 8000 francs typically grossed by Sarah
Bernhardt at the peak of her career there.
But another thing happened in 1892 that provoked a series of battles
between Pujol and Moulin Rouge management, the litigious nature of
which makes it sound more like 1992. Pujol visited a friend of his
who sold gingerbread, and to attract customers to his friend's
stall, he did some Petomane tricks right there in the marketplace.
Word of this "unauthorized performance" got back to Oller, who took
it up with Pujol and threatened to sue. Over the next couple of
years, Pujol, who dreamed of opening up his own travelling theater,
had more rows with Oller. In 1894, Oller brought suit against Pujol
over the gingerbread stall incident and won. Pujol was fined 3000
Francs. The next year, Pujol left the Moulin Rouge to start his own
venture, the Theatre Pompadour. Soon after Pujol left, the Moulin
Rouge put up a new act, billed as a "Woman Petomane" (they concealed
a bellows under her skirt). Pujol then brought a lawsuit against the
Moulin Rouge for plagiarizing his idea. At about the same time,
however, a newspaper panned the "Woman Petomane" act, and the
actress, Angele Thiebeau, sued the paper for libel. The judgement
against Thiebeau was so harshly worded and humilating that Pujol,
satisfied at the harm done to the Moulin Rouge's reputation,
withdrew his own lawsuit against them.
Pujol's new Theatre Pompadour included mime and magic and other acts
performed by Pujol's family and performer friends. He changed his
own act into a woodland tale told in doggerel punctuated at the end
of each couplet by Le Petomane sound effects and imitations of the
animal and bird characters in the story. Paris audiences liked the
winning charm of this home-grown variety show and still yucked it up
at Pujol's fart noises, so the Theater Pompadour prospered for many
years.
Le Petomane continued to be an enormous draw in his new venue until
around 1900, when the interest of the show-going public began to
wane. The Pompadour continued to do pretty well, however, until
World War I, when four of Pujol's sons went off to fight and the
theater had to close down. One son was taken prisoner and two of the
others became invalids, and Pujol was so shattered that after the
war he had no interest in returning to his performing career. The
family moved back to Marseille and Pujol ran bakeries with his sons
and unmarried daughters. In 1922, he and his family moved to Toulon
and he set up a biscuit factory which he gave to his children to
manage. He lived the rest of his life there, surrounded by his many
dearly loved children and grandchildren. His wife died in 1930 and
he died in 1945. One medical school offered the family 25,000 francs
to be allowed to examine his body, but out of respect, reverence and
love for this warm, funny, and caring man, not one of his children
agreed to let them.
Copyright © 1994 by RE/Search Publications. Reprinted by permission.
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