Rising Water.
The Play: WU in Dallas, Texas.
The WU Players for 9/29 - 10/1:
Johnny Rollerfeet as himself - self-styled computer geek with few
social skills and a bottomless craving for alcohol.
Marc as himself - overworked and always cool hirsute birthday dude
#1 without his med-school/professional dancer girlfriend to keep
him in line.
"Goober" as himself - naught more to say.
Mickey as himself - good natured, over-worked (but not hirsute)
birthday boy #2; the only one with any luck, but he had to have
his pre-prepared.
Susan as Mickey's pre-prepared luck - also good-natured (she'd
have to be to put up with this crew) violinist/journalist; the
only person man enough to get other women to come talk to the
crew.
and the last major player:
Betsy as herself - could only handle one night on the party cur-
cuit with 'the crew'.
Minor players:
Girl #1 - hit on JR on the dance floor with "this is just a
platonic kinda thing" line...need I say what happened with her?
Girl #2 - (Samantha) scared off by the powers of geekdom.
Girl #3 - cute, but full of attitude.
Jennifer and her crew - wait for it...
Act I - Friday night.
Dinner in Upper Greenville. A really swank restaurant row re-
cently described as "party place for straight people". The
players (at this point: Marc, Mickey, Betsy, Goober, and JR)
could have had Sushi, Thai, Tex-Mex or any number of nice sit-
down meals BUT Mickey insists we try a hamburger joint. Bikers
with Tattoos, laminate tables, pick up your own condiments,
and paper cups...
Dancing/Drinking in Deep Ellum. Depp Ellum is one of those club/
bar neighborhoods much like 6th street or Burbon street except
there's still traffic. The club: Club Clearview. A place
with a disco dance floor, a live rock-a-billy venue, a techno
dance floor, a bar, and a restaurant. Nice club, but full of
"social organization" people (frat boys and their followers).
Oh, JR dissed Girl #1 in Club Clearview, in case you hadn't guessed.
Not that she wasn't attractive and it's not like JR could have
taken her back to his place (3.5 hours to Austin) but in his drunken
state it was too complicated to work out.
Act II - Saturday.
Breakfast at McD's - 2 sausage eggMc's for $2!
Dinner at Sushi on McKinney's - well-prepared but not cold enough.
A mad dash to TCU to see Susan perform in the TCU symphony. It
was beautiful!
At this point we were "Susan and her crew" (Marc, Mikey, Goober,
and JR) and we remained that the whole night. After the show we
ran into "Jennifer and her crew" and it looked like a fight would
ensue, but instead we broke into a round of Family Feud -- without
Richard Dawson (which was a good thing).
Out in Fort Worth - There's a very cool place called FlyIn Saucer
that not only has a wall o'beer but 4 walls (and a ceiling) o'
collectors plates. (WU sat right under the Original Star Trek
commemerative plate collection.) WU tried beers called Lemon
Lager, Young's Oatmeal Stout, Rouge Berry Ale, and Purple Haze.
Lemon Lager was candy beer (but beer nonetheless), YOS was liquid
bread, RBAle was polite with low flavor, and of course Abbita
Spring, Louisiana's own Purple Haze is the best damn berry beer
ever. (Even better then Frambosen.) WU moved on to 8.0 - a
nouveau restarant/bar. There, Susan volunteered to get Girl #2
to come meet us despite the fact that Girl #2 was with a date.
In one fell swoop (almost immediately) JR scared her off. Now,
the rest of the crew dissed him for this but he stands on the
fact that _they_ could do little more then stare and drool. 8.0
was nothing special. Lastly we went to 'the Pub'. It probably
had more of a name then that but it was beyond memory. JR fi-
nally got into a nice groove with Girl #3, but she was with a
date so everyone but Mickey went home alone.
Act III Sunday - The Deneumont
Most of the crew were lazy and never moved from the couch, but
JR, Mickey and Susan did run down to Lakeview Mall. The only
remarkable thing was FAO Schwartz (surprised?). Watch for the
Micro Machine versions of Star Wars toys --very geeky, but
very cool.
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ from ejl@netcom.com Jayne Loader ]
Thought you might like to check out the explosive new
WWW site for the CD-ROM Jayne Loader's Public Shelter,
featuring scenes from the cult classic The Atomic Cafe.
Come visit http://www.publicshelter.com.
We would appreciate it if you would consider reviewing
this site.
Best regards,
Jayne & Eric
[ At first, I was leary. (There's a lot of invaluable weirdo ]
[ stuff on the net...if you haven't yet realized that then I ]
[ haven't been doing my job, have I?!?) Now that I give it a ]
[ second look I insist that you check this out. I'm gonna ]
[ hunt down a copy of the Atomic Cafe. Especially read the ]
[ short piece "http://www.publicshelter.com/n/tac.html" that ]
[ explains the people and "The Atomic Cafe" origins. ]
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ From KellyMcC <Kelly.McCollum@chronicle.com>, ]
[ Many of you don't know our regular prose ]
[ contributor jank <billjank@ix.netcom.com> but ]
[ he's having a Ball and Chain attached in two ]
[ weeks or so. Here's an insider view on what ]
[ jank can be afraid of. ]
From the pen of the as yet un-wired TreyLa comes this item:
Top 10 Rules Pertaining to Guests of Watkins/Jankowski
Wedding.
10. All VR games off-limits after 8 beers.
9. Water Wall cannot become Shiner Wall.
8. No towing of Rollerbladers on freeways.
7. May not refer to Houston Police as "The Man."
6. No passing out in rocket nozzles at Johnson Space Center.
5. No recreating "Jankowski Episode" at Intercontinental Airport.
(if we told you, we'd be in a Turkish prison in a matter
of days.)
4. Johnny Rollerfeet's Talking "Tick" doll not allowed inside
city limits.
3. No Wiffle Ball games in Astrodome.
2. Firearms will be confiscated at church door.
1. No shirt, no shoes, no service.
[ This wedding could probably be transcribed ]
[ into a great sit-com episode. ]
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ and speaking of the doomed, from billjank@ix.netcom.com ]
The Good, the bad and the Ugly
THE GOOD:
As is fitting for an optomist such as myself, I will begin the
semiperiodical rant with what is good in the world. First, I wish to
give accolades to Guinness Stout on Draft. Last night I ran into a
resturant that had the finest Guinness draught that I had had in my
entire life. It took upwards of five minutes for the head to settle
out of the glass of beer, and when I took a sip I almost lost control
of myself, it was so smooth and wonderful. I've come to the conclusion
that one day when I am rich and famous from my book, "Driving drunk on
the Information Superhighway" that I will have a Guinness and vanilla
ice cream float. It's got to be good. So was Mint chocolate chip
Bluebell and SoCo. Ask Ben.
Movies: If you have not, go out right now to the movie theater and
pay whatever you need (It's probably in the dollar [or East coast
equivalent] theaters) to see _Desparado_ This movie has surpassed
_Harley Davidson and the Maralbro Man_ and was gaining on _LONESOME
DOVE_ till I realized that I was rooting for the Republic of Mexico
vice Texans. Antonio Banderas is possibly the baddest badass since
Clint Eastwood, and Roberto Rodriguez definately could kick Quinton
Tarintino's white ass in a minute. If you haven't seen _El Marachi_,
go out and rent the subtitled, not dubbed version, and get the
background so you understand why Antonio Banderas is more interested in
kicking drug lord ass than scoring with what's her name, the hottest
woman to be in a movie in a while. This flick has everything ... Large
explosions, graituitous ten gauge derringer action, chromed .45 auto
action for the good guys, bumping soundtrack, Cheech Marin as the
bartender who gets his head blown off, titties, explosions, knife
throwing Mexican assassins, confessional scenes with dialogue like
"Forgive me father for I have just killed many men..."
There is not enough beer in the world to drink to make you feel as
tough as this film. Believe me, I've tried. This is one of those
movies that you would sit on a porch is freezing weather and watch
provided you had lots of beer and cigars. This movie is yet another
reason why when I get fed up with the world I'm going to do nothing but
move to South Texas or the Mexican Coast and drink lots of beer, shoot
things and restore an old wooden sailboat.
Third good thing: Fish. With the rapid occurance of winter up
here, the river temperatures have fallen enough to where the trout are
saying "Hey, I didn't eat for shit this summer since it was so damned
hot, why don't I take anything that floats past", and even I have been
able to bag a few since Labor Day (Why, we will get to in the section
labled :THE UGLY) I may even get up to the Salmon River off of Lake
Ontario and see if I can't bag a Steelhead or a King or Coho Salmon.
First I've got to get to Groton and find a house for Missy and I.
Fourth: Bardo's in Alexandria, VA. If you have not already, make
plans to go see Phillip Poole and Jessica, or Kelly MC and Melissa
(pronounced Meh-Lisa), and go to Bardos and drink Dollar fifty drafts
or Six dollar pitchers of some of the finest home/microbrew in the
country. I saw an ad for it in Beer magazine while spending some of my
new found free time drinking capuccino in the bookstore (yes I am a
loser, and yes, it is cold as balls up here [or I would be on the trout
stream]) I still wake up at night with a boner thinking about the
James Brown Ale. Phil, (and Kelly) Missy has already asked me how
hard it would be to get to DC for a visit, and I told her that it would
be not very, if she didn't mind drinking much beer. Kevin, we'll
probably come through NYC and catch the Metroliner from Penn station,
so you're invited, and Benjamin, I still can't get over how close
Groton is to Providence, so if you're not visiting you suck.Bardo's is
heaven as far as I'm concerned. BTW, Philip and Kelly, the picture
that the random woman's boyfriend took of us came out great.
Fifth and final good thing: Scuttlebutt has it that the Grayling
(the boat I'm going to be on, if you didn't know) is doing a Med Run
next summer. Jank does Europe. Stand the heck by
THE BAD: The only bad things that I can think of are:
1. Winter. The cold up here is going to kick my everloving white
ass. There better be some damn good skiing.
2. The overpopulation of fishermen on the trout streams. If
you're going to take up fishing, get someone to teach you some
ettiquite. Admittedly, I am new at all this, but I at least realized
that if you want to go say howdy to someone, you do it quietly from the
bank rather than splashing right up to someone over the fish that
they've been waiting for for an hour. And if you've brought beer,
share it.
3. Along those lines: Whirling disease. This is the mysterious
disease that affects some strains of Rainbow trout that makes the young
deformed and spin around in circles till they die. Kind of like we did
when we were kids, except instead of just falling down when they're
dizzy, the fish die, and there's entire groups of fish missing this
year.
4. I know I'll get flamed for this, but: The proliferance of
decent beers: Let's face it folks; there's just too many decent beers
to drink. It used to be easy: If it wasn't Bud, Miller, or, as some
beside me would say (not me), Coors, and didn't come in a really large
bottle(with the exception of OE 800 and Red Bull, which could never be
bad), it had to be good. But now there's so many micro brewerys, etc,
that there's no way to know who's affilliated with whom, and how the
beer's going to be. Tonight, I'm drinking Foggy Bottom Ale, and while
good, is indestingushable from any other ale. That's what I love about
beers like Lone Star and Dixie Lager: You can Identify the city that
they're from if you've ever had the tap Water. Lone Star is wonderful,
crisp and clear from the Edwards Aquifer, and Dixie tastes like shit
since it's brewed from Mississippi River water in New Orleans. But I
suppose it's good. This just goes to prove an earlier point (many
posts back) that I should be drinking Saranac Beers, since they have an
amazing Pale Ale, and I would be supporting the Local industry.
On the beer tip, how is Beck's and Dinker Ackel's Octoberfest
beers? I will be the first to say that Sam Adam's Octoberfest is a
disappointment? Also, I want information, details, and stories of
drunken sin and debauchery from Wurstfest in New Braunfels, which
should be coming up in a while.
THE UGLY:
1: Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, the rumors you have been hearing
from your local environmental activist group are true: I have
completed qualification and am a federally licensed Engineering Officer
of the Watch on a Nuclear Power plant. Meaning legally I can control
all power operations of the plant I qualified on. I am a poorly paid
fall guy who only really wanted to drive submarines. I am, however,
pleased, as one of my instructors, upon hearing I was going to the
Grayling, said, "They're a bunch of Seagoing Motherfuckers, aren't
they?" I said I had no clue but hoped they were. Just wait for next
summer and sign of the Apocoplyse number two when the boat goes to
Europe via the Mediterraneran Sea.
2. Guillermo's sendoff from singlehood is tentatively scheduled
for the Friday before the wedding at Dave and Buster's in Houston.
Come prepared to waste mucho dinero on video games and beer. Missy has
stated that she will be as aghast at this as at titties. Shooting
stuff during the week preceeding the wedding is still up in the air, as
I have no lease or idea as what's in season. I'm tempted to go see my
grandparents in Austin and see if any Browns are mating in the
Guadalupe. Any options involving shotguns and large amounts of shells
please contact.
3. Mrs. Jankowski, my mom, the Texas-Oklahoma University football
weekend beer guzzuling champ of 1971 or something like that, not the
soon to be Mrs. Jankowski (Oh, God, I am scared) has volunteered to
Drink Beer with her eldest son at the Jerry Jeff Walker show in
Shreveport, La on Saturday October 7, 1995. Ya'll are invited to
attend, to celebrate my last week of sin, debauchery, and ability to
drop plans at a moment's notice. Also, the next Sunday, The Doctor (my
brother, Matthew David [Md if you don't get it by now :^)]) and I are
going to go up to the White River in Arkansas to try to lay into some
of the huge brown and rainbow trout in the tailwaters below the dams
there while waiting to pick up Trey. Feel free to volunteer to come
along.
So, the general Idea to be delivered through this is that life is
really good for the time being. Enjoy the fall. Drink a lot of beer,
and tell me how it is.
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ From a (still) un-wired co-worker) ]
If Operating Systems Were Beers...
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally
only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can.
However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each,
which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued,
although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after
it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look
identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The
ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the
ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A
notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the
trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot
like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer.
Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them,
very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows
Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a
can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer
simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its
cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them
up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the
manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9
million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it
and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's
can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz.
cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of
beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows
3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they
like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print,
has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even
though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new
brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload.
This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger
refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but
the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows
95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an
"industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to
64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even
though they claim that all the different brands taste almost
identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open
them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those
occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of
instructions or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for
several years.
AmigaDOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been
picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be
an import. This beer never really sold very well because the
original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix
Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group.
It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans
too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy
and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years,
so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is
only meant for watching TV anyway.
VMS Beer:
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top
and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to
explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk
in high pressure development environments. When you call the
manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you're told that is
proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the manuals
published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in
the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can
claim to have actually seen it.
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ From the same un-wired co-worker. ]
Strange Sex Laws
----------------
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic,
onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife
so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed
to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or
holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members
of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if
they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have
twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when
a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love
on the floor between the beds!
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide
each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they
are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless
they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having
sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called
master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset.
(There was a civil-service job -- for men only -- called a corset
inspector.)
However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing
corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered
body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded
American male."
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police
officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any
suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from
behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes
before getting out of his car to investigate.
Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a
table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two
ounces of clothing.
Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their
lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they
are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked
vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has
drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you
can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio --
a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the
boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with
a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local
newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ from Kelly.McCollum@chronicle.com ]
[ You remember the review of Twang? ]
[ see http://www.eden.com/~etrigan/ ]
[ wu_11_21_94.html ]
Lime Pickle, forefather of Twang
Here's a new recipe for all you Lime/Pickle lovers. It's called "Lime Pickle".
Fresh from the paper port, I've included the whole page it was on (from a C
programming manual) to give you some context. Call me when your first batch is
done!
-Kelly
"...
There are well-known analogies to C's functions in everyday life, namely all
sorts of lists of instructions such as recipes, sewing instructions, appliance
handbooks, and repair manuals. For example, a recipe might read as follows:
How to make some lime pickle
Boil 2 lb. limes for 1 minute to soften the peel.
Squeeze the juice and cut the peel in strips.
Add 6 oz sugar, 6 oz salt, 1 oz chili powder, and 1 oz garam masala.
Place in jar and cover with muslin cloth.
Sun for 10 days.
Seal and keep in cool dark place.
To get a friend to make some lime pickle, we might say, "Would you please make
some lime pickle." By naming the recipe in this way (in programming terms, by
calling the 'lime pickle' function), our friend knows which instructions to
follow.
..."
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ from Steve Scivally, stavros@eden.com is ]
[ this fascinating job posting! ]
>Acme Skateboards seeks sales slave!
>
>Acme Skateboard Products, located in Costa Mesa, California is looking for a
>motivated person for in-house sales position for Action Sports company.
>knowledge of Action Sports industry helpful, but definitely not required.
>Very cool, small but growing company, good bene's & ocean view.
>
>Email for more info: huphtur@primenet.com
>
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
[ Great News!!! the WU home page (http://www.eden.com/~etrigan) ]
[ will be used for forthcoming Quibbler hints. If you haven't ]
[ played Riddler (http://www.riddler.com) it's a great way to ]
[ increase brain power and (possibly) win CASH! ]
From: Kim Voynar[SMTP:kim@Riddler.COM]
Sent: Thursday, September 28, 1995 9:39 AM
To: Johnny Rollerfeet
Subject: Re: Use me!
Dear Johnny,
Thanks for actively participating in Interactive Imaginations new game of
Quibbler.
Here is the URL for your home page:
[ URL deleted]
Regards,
Kim Voynar
Interactive Imaginations
******************http://linex.com:80/~alibee/ducks.html*************
If you've submitted something recently and it's not here,
well the WU is full (as you can tell!) but I've already
started the WU for next week, so look for it then.