January 27, 2004
213 Things
From The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn’t allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn’t been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it.
Here are some of my favorites:
- Not allowed to add ‘In accordance with the prophesy’ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
- May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
- An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
- The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.