For those of you who missed it, I finally made an ass out of myself due to overindulgence. My first few years in Austin I lived with a friend who, when pushing the imbibing envelope’s edges, would pass out and imitate a sack of potatoes. I tried really hard over those three years to emulate him. At one point I even polished off 750mL of tequila in one evening to no avail — I was legally over the limit but still mostly functional. This New Year’s Eve, quite unintentionally, I achieved the plateau I had dreamed of. I got sick enough that Becky had to drive me home at 9:45p.

Thank you. Now, I never want to do that again.