The Fun Committee at a friend’s company made yesterday “Plan Your Epitaph Day.” Whether there is something inherently “fun” about figuring out what you want on your tombstone (cornmeal crust, not too much sauce, garlic, mushrooms and sausage, please) is still up for interpretation, but those wacky Mainers got me to thinking.

Here’s a FAQ full of fascinating trivia about papal transition.

Highlights:

As late as 1903, at the death of Leo XIII, this verification [of the pope’s death] was ritually done by tapping the forehead of the pope with a silver hammer.

All cardinals who are under 80 years of age when the pope dies have the right to vote for the next pope, unless they have been canonically deposed or, with the permission of the pope, have renounced the cardinalate. Even an excommunicated cardinal can attend.

Also permitted in the conclave are nurses for infirm cardinals, two medical doctors, religious priests who can hear confessions in various languages, the secretary of the College of Cardinals, the master of papal liturgical celebrations with two masters of ceremonies and two religious attached to the papal sacristy, and an assistant chosen by the cardinal dean.

I wonder who the two MC’s will be? Everybody always assumed it would be Tupac and Biggie.

In theory, any man can be elected who is willing to be baptized and ordained a priest and bishop. He does not have to be at the conclave.

My mom can attest that I had a childhood ambition to become the first Lutheran pope. So I’d like to officially throw my hat in the ring for this conclave. If elected I will appoint you all Cardinals and probably be dead within a year, having gorged myself non-stop on wine, cheese and prosciutto.