What is the first thing Brian should change in his apartment to make him
seem more acceptable to women? This oversized martini glass full of
potpourri might top the list.

I really am trying to be good and all for the new year, but the following bit from the WSJ’s Best of the Web Today has got to be at least a little funny on its own:

The extreme position is that Bush “stole” the election by getting three million more votes than Kerry. An outfit called United for Peace and Justice is actually planning an Inauguration Day protest. And if you can’t make it to Washington, you can still join in:

UFPJ also encourages everyone to wear a white ribbon on January 20, no matter where you are or what you are doing. In many cultures, white is the traditional color of mourning.

Of course, the joke is on these losers, who apparently are unaware that in our culture, white is the traditional color of surrender.