Seventy Years of Miracle Whip
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By etrigan - Last updated: Thursday, August 28, 2003 - Save & Share - 6 Comments

Miracle Whip was “introduced at the Chicago World’s Fair in 1933”: and has been giving simple mayonnaise a run for it’s money ever since. Innovations have been keeping up with this wonderful spread including the new squeeze bottle (which Becky keeps setting upside down in the fridge) and the new “Hot n Spicy”:******2100064623*** version takes a BLT and kicks it up a notch.

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6 Responses to “Seventy Years of Miracle Whip”

Comment from K-PHO
Time August 28, 2003 at 12:11 pm

As far as I’m concerned, that poor excuse for a sandwich spread should never have been invented. And that reminds me of a story.

Recently, the wife’s parents were in Cape Cod, so we drove down to visit them. We knew we’d be late getting in, so her parents said they’d get us some lobster rolls (lobster meat + a small amount of mayo on a modified toasted hot dog bun) for dinner.

When we got there, we proceeded to tear into those lobster rolls. After one bite we looked at each other, knowing something was horribly wrong. It was the goddamned Miracle Whip. They used it instead of mayo.

Lessons: (a) Miracle Whip should only be used as an alternative to spackle; (ii) people in Massachusetts are jerks; (3) your time in Cape Cod will be subdivided into 78% fighting traffic to get where you’re going / 18% deciding on a place to eat / 4% enjoying the 2% of public, accessible coastline; and (IV) come and stay in Maine instead.

Comment from etrigan
Time August 28, 2003 at 12:31 pm

I fear you are misguided, sir. Your story is truly horrendous, but only because condiment luddites are not aware of the proper use of the aforementioned spreads. Miracle Whip is the perfect spread for a scrambled-egg sandwich, and depending on the tomato can be applied to a BLT (if the tomatos are homegrown and fresh, mayonnaise is all that is neccesary.) Mayonnaise has it’s place and you should never see Miracle Whip used as a substitute. Free range antibiotic-free turkey sandwiches are made better when hot n spicy miracle whip is used.

Comment from K-PHO
Time August 28, 2003 at 2:51 pm

Hmmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. I have to say I’ve never had a scrambled egg sandwich with MW on it. I’m a bit afraid. The hot n spicy stuff does sound more palatable, though. Not likely I’ll find it up here, but if I do, I’ll give it a go.

Comment from cynsmith
Time August 28, 2003 at 3:29 pm

I do prefer MW on pimento-cheese sandwiches. Otherwise, it’s Hellman’s all the way.

Comment from cynsmith
Time August 28, 2003 at 3:34 pm

And it should go without saying that one should never create a tomato-centric sandwich if one does not have access to fresh, home-grown tomatoes. Oh, Mt. Pleasant Farmer’s Market, you are my friend.

Comment from jank
Time August 28, 2003 at 4:26 pm

People – Did Undercover Brother teach you nothing? Mayo and Miracle Whip are nothing but means to continue to spread white hegemony. Mustard is the two turntables and a microphone of the condiment world, and non-eurocentric to boot.

Although, it looks like mayo comes in handy when studying elemental forces.

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