Word From the Fiji/Tonga Honeymooners
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By etrigan - Last updated: Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - Save & Share - 2 Comments

I received an email from BT on his honeymoon. He sent it to most of the people he knows, but it’s such a great piece that I wanted to post it for posterity.


“..

I have finally found an internet cafe on Va va’u, and since it is raining and Tina is sick, it seemed like a decent time to waste some money sending emails.

There is literally a boatload of mormons loading onto the pier outside of this cafe. It is interesting that the locals refer to Catholic, methodist, and Tongan Christian religions as “churches,”, while they refer to the mormon church as a business. I think that they are more sophisticated than most westerners believe.

Yesterday we went on a land tour of the island group. Our tour guide, whose name I cannot remember, was this huge, muscular dude who also is the coach of the local rugby team. After a while I asked him if he had ever watched American football, and he said, “I love American football. They hit so hard. It is cool. My cousin Seau plays American football.”

“You mean Junior Seau?”

“Yeah, that’s him. I think he might play for the 49ers now.”

Small world.

At one point during the tour we walked by a number of churches (this has to be the most religious country on the planet). I asked the dude what kind of religions they had here before missionaries arrived. He said, “There was no real religion here then. Some dumb farmer probably said, ‘OH GREAT COCONUT TREE! SAVE ME AND MY FAMILY!’ but that was about it.”

Funny guy.

Fiji was cool, too. The strangest thing there was listening to someone explain how, back in the good ol’ days, they used to immunize the children from the diseases that arise from eating man-flesh.
Apparently, when the kids were just babies, they would begin rubbing their lips and tongues with cooked man-flesh, just so that they would develop the right antibodies (and a taste for the meat). Ugggh.

…”

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2 Responses to “Word From the Fiji/Tonga Honeymooners”

Comment from etrigan
Time July 30, 2003 at 6:54 pm

Oh. And the best man’s (Greg) reply was worth reading, too.

“…

Be careful the local children don’t look at you and Tina like Sushi and Well Done respectively. You’re both so lean, you would probably be like Filet Mignon to them. Me, on the otherhand would be a nice prime rib.

Seau is with the Dolphins now. He is a bad ass.

Last night we saw Mike Mills from REM at trivia. I asked him if he was who I thought he looked like he was and he said he might be. Pretty cool. I needed you there with your guitar though, so you could start playing, TALK ABOUT THE PASSION.

…”

Comment from jank
Time July 30, 2003 at 6:59 pm

Mmmmm, Man-flesh. Takes me back to my submariner days…

‘Save me Jebus!’

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